Today’s guest is the lovely Julie Bloom. I met Julie in my coaching certification class, and she quickly became my personal coach! She has helped my ADHD brain stay focused on my goals, manage my priorities and has helped me get “unstuck” so I can complete projects that feel overwhelming. She speaks several languages fluently, she’s a corporate wellness trainer and just an all around amazingly intuitive magical unicorn and I adore her! She’s going to share her story, but we also talk about how sobriety was important in the role of healing from PTSD.
How to Listen:
iTunes: https://apple.co/30g6ALF
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Stitcher: https://bit.ly/3n0taNQ
YouTube Channel: https://bit.ly/2UpR5Lo
Connect with Julie
Website: https://juliebloom.world/en/
Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/julie-bloom-m-ed-b-comm-2988b385/
Instagram: @juliebloom.world
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/juliebloom.world?locale=fr_FR
Be sure to follow me on Instagram for daily inspiration: @odaatpodcast and @arlinaallen
transcript:
Arlina Allen 7:39
Well, Julie, thank you so much for joining me on the podcast today.
Julie 7:42
It’s my pleasure. Thank you so much. I was so looking forward to this Arlina
Arlina Allen 7:47
I know me too bad for many reasons. Because you have been my coach since 2019. Is that right? Yeah, we went through the coaching program together, you and a couple of other ladies and I have continued to stay in touch. But I was like, it was so funny. Cuz you and I, we started chatting outside of class. We were like, oh, maybe we should trade some coaching and you know, help each other out. And it quickly became all about me. which I appreciate. And you’re so lovely to offer that. And so working with you has been hugely helpful to me, both in business and personally helped me you know, they kind of go together, you know, you’re helping me sort out some of the priorities that I had, and just issues the fears that come up when you’re trying to run your own business and and I just appreciate you so much. I really do have a talent for this. So thank you so much thing on my heart.
Julie 8:55
Oh, that’s really sweet. Arlina I love it. I really, really do coaching is fabulous to see in front of your eyes from a coaching session to the next how much people change how much they learn how much they evolve. It’s a thrill. Yes,
Arlina Allen 9:13
right. Yeah. It’s very rewarding work. But it’s it’s important that you work with somebody who has an intuition about it, and you definitely have the gift. So thank you for all your support in the my craziness.
Julie 9:28
Oh, love you. It’s fun.
Arlina Allen 9:31
Well, listen, let’s talk a little bit about you know, not just your coaching practice, but I want to get your story. You know, we all everybody has a story of recovery, you definitely have one, you’ve come a long way you’ve overcome a lot of challenges. And so I thought it would be great for us to talk a little bit about, you know, why are we here? How did we get here? You know, what was your story? And then we’ll talk a little bit about some really important I like to do the resources like you, you know, offer some help. So we’re going to talk about sobriety and ADHD, which I think a lot of people in recovery struggle with. I personally struggle with ADHD pattern, obviously my whole life. But it will be really interesting to hear your take on it as it relates to sobriety and recovery. And we’ve talked about we’re gonna talk about the messy middle the middle part, middle age, and transitions and, and all that. But why don’t we just start, I’ll let you just have the floor and you can just tell your story as much or as little as you like,
Julie 10:39
wonderful. You know what I talking about the messy middle, I had a freaking tsunami happen at midlife. And I, yeah, complete breakdown awakening, call it what you want. And by the way, my accent, if you’re kind of curious is French and Spanish. Okay. So I made a lot of realizations through healing at that part. But going back to my childhood, you know, what wasn’t an easy one, we were moving around a lot, I was never able to really get my roots down. And I had a volatile father. So it wasn’t a beautiful part of my life where I could get stability, security, and grow the way that I should have. So I, thankfully, you know, when I got to high school, we stopped moving. So I was able to make friends and start going out. And in my culture, I’m from Montreal, Canada, just like your culture, everything revolved revolved around alcohol, activities, were drinking activities going out to drink and dance. And so the objective of life was to get hammered to get drunk and to just be silly, and laugh, which now looking back is kind of sad. But you know, I, it took me a long time and getting sober later in life, said the beginning part of my life, drinking wasn’t really problematic. Looking back now that, you know, I had my breakdown, just to give you, you know, some perspective timeline. About four years ago, I was off of work for a while, and that’s when I during the, the my healing process, that’s when I realized that I was HSP highly sensitive. And if and if you don’t know what that’s all about, it’s a researcher from Harvard, her name is Elaine Aaron, and she wrote a book called The highly sensitive person, it’s a personality trait. And you can do there’s a bunch of tests online that go with the book, it’s about 25 questions, to know, you know, your level of tolerance to sound to light to being scared to. So it’s very easy to to be able to tell if you’re highly sensitive, but normally people kind of know, right? So I was a highly sensitive child without knowing there wasn’t a name for them. And I also had ADHD, ADHD, which we didn’t know about at that time. So I was kind of spacey as a little girl I wasn’t doing wonderful in school, I would say was an okay student chatterbox. And, and then high school regular student wasn’t really motivated. It took it took me actually really wanting to know what I want to do in life to, to start to do great at school. And that happened actually in university, University. I did my first undergrad in communications. And when I finished what, two things, I didn’t think I was pretty are thin enough to be on the media kind of chickened out. And on the other hand, I thought I was too young to start to work from the get go, you know, to start my career. So I there in Canada are lucky there are tons of scholarships and possibilities. I won a scholarship to go teach French in England. So moving on my own, you know, both feet in gravel and
Arlina Allen 14:54
and then learning how to be with myself and become an adult. I was 20 before, at that time, and that really changed my life opened my perspective. And at that time, people weren’t traveling that much, you know, like friends around me. It was very middle class living in men apartment with a single mom, you know, you get the picture and people asking me, why, why do you want to do that? You’re gonna eat strange food and a different country was like, Yeah, but there was something, you know, drawing me to that. So I went loved it didn’t want to come back with the living conditions in the UK, if you’re not rich, you’re really poor. Right? I just have heating. So in, in the UK, the price of a room in a shared apartment is the same price of the whole as a whole apartment in Canada. Just to give you Yeah, so I thought I would go back. And, you know, make sure that I got a great education, great job didn’t end up going back. And as I continued, while I was there, I really fell in love with teaching. I think that’s always been a part of me. So you know what drunken story sorry about that. I was in the Canary Islands with my friend Mahi. And because we didn’t have enough money from the UK to come back to Canada for the holidays. So in the UK, the weather’s so bad that they have cheap holidays, in the Spanish islands all the time. Right at that time. I think it was for $70. We got the flight. And, and a room, I think half board in a cheap hotel. Right? It was fantastic. So one night sunset, on the beach in on long chairs. And I asked my said, and I was a bit drunk. I said, What am I gonna do with my life? And said, Well, you love Spanish, you love to teach, teach Spanish? And you know what? quiet moment on the Beatles like, yeah, yeah, that’s what I’m going to do. And you know what, it was that simple. But at the same time, it was the right thing. So I went back to school. And I started to study Hispanic studies. And then I won another scholarship, to go do my masters in teaching in Spain in a prestigious university. And, you know, as I go through my story, and when I think about it, I think, you know, addictive personalities, it was a part of me, I’d had a troubled relationship with food, obesity, and also being anorexic. In university. And also, like, on the Eco side, winning scholarships. And it was, it was a high, you know, prestige, prestige, prestigious universities being accepted, winning scholarship, that became my thing, when in my eyes. And, and to this day, I still, you know, when, during the pandemic, there were tons of free courses, right? In at Stanford at Yale. So I love I love that kind of thing. That’s my job. And just like you looking back on everything, neuroscience, that just like you, so my thing. So, university, I’m going to live in Spain, I met my husband right before I left, of course, left on the slide crying the whole time. But I had invested too much. And it turned out that we started a long distance relationship. And it was at the beginning of, of internet and email. So I kept my emails on a floppy disk. And I had no idea when you plugged it in, I’m not going to make the sound that they want.
So yeah, and so we fell in love that way. And when I finished my teaching practice at the end of the year came to meet me, we started to live together. And I even though, you know, people told me, You know what, teaching a language that’s not yours is not you’re never going to have tenure, or you’re never because that’s what I was going to do after teach Spanish in college and university. So But sure enough, as I came back, you know, when I’m motivated to do something, it normally works out and I work hard, also. So it worked out and I I always had a job in college and university took me a while to get tenure, which I did. And then, you know, couple’s life. Of course, from my childhood, I hadn’t had a good example of either loving myself, or either functioning in a healthy relationship. So it wasn’t always easy, of course. And that, but I was really, really on the professional side, super happy teaching, it was my thing. And my favorite part of it was actually, the personal contact. So in university or in college, I was often the contact with Student Services, to help students go and get help, because quite often, they’re so shy, they’re so embarrassed, they don’t want to make an appointment, see the psychologist. So that’s part of it. I like the most you know, at the beginning of the semester, I would say, if you want to talk to me about something related to the class, come see me if you want to talk about something perfect. Personal. Come. And they did. And do you know when they say it’s the best years of your life? No, not always. They’re not some kids have it really rough. Yeah. So I enjoyed it, really, but without knowing, because my, you know, my cognitive function, my attention muscle from studying so much was so strong. I never knew I had ADHD. But there is still science, you know, I need to sleep a lot at night. And life is a lot for me just like normal life working full time, having a house. And then in my late 30s, I had my daughter, which is a blessing, which was a wonderful, it was a difficult, difficult birth. I’m lucky to be here. And but then with all those elements together, life got to be too much working full time, the commute the family life, all of it was too much. So for years and years, at night, I would think I need to stop. I need to stop for six months.
Stop. Just stop working.
Just stop working. Yes. Thank you. Yeah.
Well, I was thinking maybe it was not drink. Were you drinking at this time?
Well, actually, when all you know, after I had my daughter, and I had to keep on working. And yeah, the reality of full time work and parenting and everything. That is when I got addicted to alcohol. I always I drank happily, I drank fast and lightweight in the sense of highly sensitive, one drink would really get me like, really soft and not care too much. So we’d have to three tops have a bottle, but then it got to be daily. So I was I think your classic gray area drinker. Okay, I would tell people, you know, I think I have a problem. They would say no, you you don’t drink that much.
Unknown Speaker 23:38
Because it’s so crazy that people say that.
Arlina Allen 23:41
And, but to me, I think I don’t know what it feels like okay to drink 40 ounces of Jack Daniels. But to me being sensitive. Just a two, three glasses of wine or half bottle, or maybe more sometimes on the weekends with friends was like killer hangover, waking up sweaty at three in the morning. And so I wanted to stop working so much. But I I couldn’t bring myself to love myself enough to actually acknowledge it or to say to my husband and so I just kind of carry on detach and it’s a period of my life where I wasn’t all there. I wasn’t all there. I was autopilot.
Did your husband ever say anything to you about your drinking? Did he ever express concern or
anything? Actually, no, but about he saw that I wasn’t Wow. But I was so at that point already is in such a bad shape that I couldn’t even recognize it I had gone through so. So that led to one year, the year before I broke down, you know how sometimes you ignore the signs and the signs gets clearer like Oprah louder and louder. And then the brick wall. Yeah. So I waited, are they not I waited and waited until it was
loud and clear. You got the brick wall,
I got the brick wall. So I, the year before, what we thought was burnout. I like crazy shit happen, that in my place of work dangerous things, and aren’t individual coming in death tracks. And then I was stuck in a snowstorm on a small section on the highway for a whole night. Like it was a big thing. We got money back from the government, like something crazy happened. And then I almost lost my tenure, at work for stupid administrative things of post opening somebody coming from the outside, I can’t even explain to you. It’s it was the system. So the job that I thought was for good really wasn’t. And I’ve gotten tired also of teaching in those conditions, you know, like students cheating. And then when you catch them making a complaint against you for being unkind, because you caught them. Like, yeah, but I think all in all my, my tolerance for patients was lower. Right? I was drinking and managing my emotions being tired. It kind of snowballs, what can I tell you? So we were in. In California, we took our daughter for to go to Disney before she was too old and Disneyland had a beautiful time, but even then wasn’t all there. And I got a crazy flu. And that’s when I really broke down when they were in Venice Beach. And I said to my husband, I can’t take any more. I’m gonna ask for leave of absence. And it was so hard, so hard to do Arlina Because I, we in in Canada, same as the states. It’s not well received, not well seem to, to be unwell and ask, although we pay for insurance for disability to actually go on it. And I was talking at trying to talk myself into not stopping. And thankfully, I did. Because right after I became so sick, from pneumonia from having cold, like my immune system was down from having like sinus infections. And so what happened is that once I stopped, kind of fell apart, like an old car, right? And then from being sick to being sick to being sick, I got my gift. Because for years, I’d wanted to stop drinking at three o’clock at night, when I was hard and not feeling well. I thought, I’m not going to drink tomorrow, but five o’clock rolled in. And you know the rest of the story. It really didn’t matter at five anymore. So the gift that I got was vertigo. Oh, wow, I was so sick that I got severe vertigo. And if you ever wonder vertigo with stress, they’re BFFs it’s a sign that you’re not doing that your stress. There are different reasons why you get vertigo, but quite often, especially when it comes back. It’s when you’re anxious or stressed. Okay, so I got such bad vertigo that I couldn’t drink anymore. I couldn’t take caffeine anymore. Even sugar, everything that was a stimulant. My brain was kind of fried, and just like holding on for I was holding on to walls and having really bad nauseous spells and spins. So I spent, I would say, a year and a half in treatment, but I spent and it’s funnier. Be careful what you wish for. A few years back when my father had died, I got a small inheritance and I bought a beautiful, good leather sectional. And I hated the section because I never had time to sit on it. Well, wasted money. You know, be careful what you wish for because I live have in the corner of the sectional intersection by the window for about two years, because that’s all I could do. I was so sick, and I was so nauseous. So what my daughter, my doctor thought was burnout or depression at the end took me a long time to get diagnosed to PTSD to what happened at work. And
so you were, so you were ultimately diagnosed with PTSD. And that was that was contributing to your vertigo and
everything? Well, everything. I think in all honesty, there were different contributing factors. But what happened is that I was healing a little bit from the burnout, getting a bit more energy, but I lost cognitive function, my cognitive functions, so I could hurt and I still to this day, stutter a little bit will make a small mistake. And so I pretty much lost the ability to speak, I couldn’t make a coherent sentence. I mean, Miss Ekans, tell a joke. And I’m a super extrovert, and I love to kick around and everything, it wouldn’t work anymore. So because of that, that’s when and I had to advocate for myself, I have a fabulous doctor, but say, You know what, I would like to do some more tests or something going on there. So that’s when I was diagnosed with PTSD, and ADHD, they found like, at the same time, so so. So that was maybe a year, year and a half into being sick being off of work. So then I started treatment with two neuropsychologist at the same time, one for cognitive function repair, if you want. And with another one, for psychotherapy, for PTSD, hypnosis, it no therapy and EMDR
Oh, love it. Let me let me ask you something, where how did the drinking, where was drinking, the role of drinking in all this,
the role of drinking and all this, I’m going to find out after because once I got to be sober, that’s when I realized that it was the one key to everything if I wasn’t able to heal anything before that, but in my you know, day to day life, I you know what, wash, rinse repeat would have a glass of wine, wouldn’t care about anything else. And then would have, you know, would go soft, and I would feel it in my hands and feet. And then would feel really relaxed. But 20 minutes in so lethargic. All I could do was lie on the sofa. And I didn’t even have the capacity to wash dishes after in the evening, so of course, my my patience. Even with my daughter, you’re not at your best, you know, and after, I’ll realize, you know, the gift of sobriety, one of the best ones will go back there are many, but to be able to talk your child in at night, lovingly, patiently, not wanting to just go hide and lie down and just be present, and smeller hair and take my time. That is the best best gift. So it was really weighing on me even though while it was daily drinking, even though it wasn’t fat much. And I never got naked or not to do anything like that. And since I didn’t win the mental health lottery, like say my gene pool, it was like Charlie Brown, you know, little black cloud on my head constantly so it affected my mood. My patients I was more crabby irritable. Yeah. Yeah. So that’s what it looks like. And of course, on like, everybody else, we drank more on Friday evenings, which makes for what shitty weekend wake up with a hangover. So fighting with my husband. And yeah, so it wasn’t I wasn’t at my best and productivity and energy.
You know, it’s so interesting. I was thinking this morning about the sort of money wine culture You know, we see a lot of, you know, I’m on social media a lot for work, and I see women making fun or making light of their own drinking. Right? You see all these Instagram real women, and they’re making fun of, you know, how much they drink. And then they’re sort of like embracing. You know, there’s all these accounts like boozy bitches. And you know, there’s this, but I was thinking to myself, you know, what is it about? When do women start to recognize I’m irritable with my baby, I’m not present when we, when I put them to bed at night. You know, it’s those, those are the things that I think become problematic. When did you so you began to realize that these were problems for you, and you really wanted to quit?
Yeah, and you know, when we studied recovery, coaching, it was what I thought at the beginning was going to be to help others was really to find out to learn about my own addiction. And we find out that it normally takes about six years, right for people from the time they realize it’s problematic to actually start to do something about it. Six years. Yeah. So for a long time, I knew it was but the, in the eyes of society, in the government, the amount of units that you can drink. I wasn’t a problematic drinker.
You know, what’s funny? Is there is no recommend like us recognize daily allowance for alcohol. There isn’t.
Yeah, in Canada, they say, Well, it’s kind of all changing now. Yeah. But at the time, and even from people. It’s like, as if you’re an alien, if you don’t drink, and please be honest, when I was drinking. I thought people didn’t drink. Like, there must be really something wrong with not normal or very, very boring individuals.
All right. All right. We are so boring.
Yeah, but no, but that’s the thing. You know, to get back to what you’re saying. It’s frustrating. Because all people talk about is when you have your first or second glass, the release, Island met for these 20 minutes. It’s beautiful. You feel relaxed, but at what price? The rest? People don’t talk about the hangover. Is that not being present for your kids? And it is meant to live? And
yeah, it doesn’t stop after 20 minutes. Like it never did for me. I never drank for just 20 minutes. And then I was like, Oh, I have this nice buzz going. I think I’ll stop. No, for me. It was like the switch was flipped. And it was like more.
What I mean by the 20 minutes is that the 20 minutes was enjoyable. Yeah. You know, after that, when you’re you you start to spend, you know, your speech, that’s the slur, then it’s not so nice anymore. So the 20 minutes for me was when? Yeah, it was great. Yeah. But at what price? That’s the thing and the drinking, people don’t talk about that. Everything that comes with it. So yeah. So then, if I go back to Okay, so vertical PTSD. Since the vertical, I began my recovery at the beginning, and I thought it would be I wasn’t sure if it was going to be for good. I would say instinctively, I did. But rationally, I wanted to drink stuff. So I quit drinking. And of course, since I was, wasn’t even able to walk or read or lost the ability to speak. I was you know, you see me in the corner of my sofa, the corner of the sectional by myself with vertigo. I did it by myself. The only thing I could do, because I thought my life had gone to be such. How could I say this a disaster. But I started to write ideas to write a book a memoir. So I had a little journal and I wrote ideas. And I started to listen to podcasts and recovery podcasts because reading or watching TV with my eyes and like going cross eyed and everything didn’t even work. So that was the first and the key ingredient of me starting to heal was getting rid of the alcohol. And then I was able to start to peel the layers of the onion. Right and And to go on a how do you say that a treasure hunt for, you know, to who I am, and to being healthy and realize how all that happened, you know, my difficult childhood and living with ADHD and like life is costly for me just, you know, surviving, make doing laundry and shopping lists, and every is a lot when you’re really say, so starting to heal, to stop drinking to, you know, be in gratitude, to heal spiritually. And yes, it’s been quite a journey since then. But without stopping drinking, it wouldn’t have been possible. And then, you know, I grew up with Oprah. I mean, I, you know, when I crunched the numbers, I think I must owe her in classes and trainings, that $275,000 I did it all. The Eckhart Tolle les Gary’s, I Darien
Unknown Speaker 41:20
Williamson, Dr. Chopra did Wayne Dyer.
Arlina Allen 41:26
But thankfully, that helped me. Yeah. And then, as I was healing, the possibility of going back to my place of work, you know, like just going in that neighborhood is still difficult for PTSD. And there’s a limit to what the amount of therapy you’re willing to do to be able to tolerate that. So something in me really wanted to go that route and start to help others. So as I was healing took me a long time, I kind of became open to the possibility of changing careers, even though, you know, they say the president of tenure, when you’re tenured, you’re stuck, you never get out and you don’t want to go back. But I almost lost my 10 year, so it wasn’t that much that worth that much anymore. So I decided to end thankfully, thankfully, early No, I had, I had two bad scores, one in communications, one in Hispanic studies, and had a master’s in teaching. So, you know, it’s not a bad way to start a new career. Very useful things. Certainly, you know, so I decided I am a teacher, I’m always going to be one. But I’m going to I want to serve I want to help people feel better. And I got I got it rough on the mental health side. And also the midlife crisis aspect. I kind of mastered. So I took passes compassion cultivation at Stanford, and the science of well being and workplace mental health leadership. And it started to take shape, that I would become an organizational trainer and speaker for mental health, well being and human skills and a coach recovery coach to help people who are especially women in the messy middle of midlife, because there’s so much going on at that time. It’s a difficult part of life, you know, with having small kids sometimes aging parents, divorced, career changes
menopause.
And while I was on the sofa early, not I prayed. I prayed to have menopause at the same time to be fucking done with everything.
And it didn’t come well. One thing at a time. No, that’s that’s a lot. And I really appreciate you sharing your story. I mean, there’s so the mental health aspect. It’s like a lot of people don’t really talk about especially in the corporate world or in the professional world, especially as a teacher when you’re supposed to be the person that has their act together because you have to sort of be on this elevated position to help others. Tell me how How did having ADHD affect you? In your your day to day life, especially as a teacher? Hmm.
I think that regular life just had a higher price for me. So I thought I was somebody who needed more sleep than most I need to sleep in In hours, so I think that’s one of the biggest clues, you know, to function adequately. I, I’ve always needed to sleep a lot. Okay, so
nine hours of sleep, what else? You mentioned a couple of other things that indicated that you might have ADHD, what are some of the signs that you experienced? You know
what, when people don’t know, I would say one of the hardest things now that I talk more to women or people have ADHD, getting ready for a trip, or weekend and the cottage, getting everything you need, in the bags from different rooms in your house, to make a list and all the food you need to bring out the cottage, the grocery list, and that is almost impossible to do. You know, these are kind of little signs when there are too many things to do. But, you know, bear in mind that before my breakdown, my muscle was so strong, you I didn’t really feel that I had ADHD so much. I felt like more of a worse than people maybe in my family or having more needs or needing to rest more or unable to, to juggle as much as other people. That was my perception. But then, when I broke down, it actually exacerbated the ADHD like a flare up, let’s say that was uncontrollable. I couldn’t organize like in the morning, cooking an egg toast and a cup of tea was was was way, way too much. Wow. So I really I think it made it very severe, I guess. And it I had to go through a whole healing process on that side. And I think looking back the relationship also with addiction that have of course, having a drink feels good, because it quiets Yeah, it quieted everything.
There’s Have you read anything by Gabor Matta? Yes, yeah. I know, he’s amazing. He does talk a lot about ADHD and addiction. You know, ADHD is like in your nervous system, and it’s there from birth, and it never goes away. And a lot of people with addiction issues. You know, some of the underlying causes is related to ADHD, you know, making a lot of mistakes, being forgetful. You know, being paralyzed by stress. That was another big, big thing for me when, when I was growing up, my mom called me scatterbrained, that was like, a little. So how, how is it like today, when you’re coaching other women who have ADHD? How do you work with women to what kind of tools do you give them to help them manage this,
I use a framework from Harvard from cognitive behavioral therapy to a not a therapist, but it’s very practical. So ways to prioritize and organize,
prioritize and organize,
prioritize and
familiar from some of the things that you’ve helped me with.
And then to take baby steps, fragmentation, because of course we do with ADHD suffer from stress and overwhelm, overwhelm oh my gosh, which feels like a real really drive and overwhelming speed, or thing. Yeah, yeah. So to do that, but at the same time, to, to be kind to ourself and understanding and to what was a revelation and that I talk as much as I can about is adaptive thinking. Adaptive thinking is to give the appropriate amount of time, importance and space to a situation or an event and not more. So you know, going on, on a bender, because somebody looks at you funny at work, and you keep thinking about it, you ruminate. And by the way, rumination I found out recently is saying, in neuroscience, it’s called frontal stri atoll loop. It’s a frontal striata loop that you know, when you’re caught and that that loop, of course, is never anything positive. Right? Very rarely. I’ve never heard anybody really
Unknown Speaker 50:09
positively so amazing. That was such a great experience over and over again. No. Usually would one is awesome, but always negative
Arlina Allen 50:19
to have ruminations and to say, okay, rationally, is this normal and talk to myself? Judy, that’s a bit much, don’t you think you don’t even know what happened. And to be able to kindly without judgment, say, Oh, honey, yeah, that’s a bit much. It’s not worth losing a night’s sleep, and waking up and having all types of Apocalypse committees during the night, because when we think about stuff during the night, we never go to HealthyPlace.
So if that kind of rumination feels to me like distraction, and it’s a for me, it’s always a sign that there’s something else going on that my it’s easier for my brain to latch on to something that’s insignificant or negative. And, but that process is about, you know, distracting myself from my actual pain, right? It’s a sign. So when I, I just had learned to recognize Oh, and I have that rumination going on, something else was going on. And it’s time to go a little deeper, and then it’s time to call Julie.
But but we need other people. And that’s why coaching is so beautiful, because from the the exterior having perspective is so helpful, and to be able to help people and say, they’re not seeing this, but I’m able to, and offer it in a way. That’s been excellent. And that’s helpful. And sometimes it takes a while to catch ourselves. And especially when we don’t have you know, that Viktor Frankl quote them do between stimulus and response, there’s a space, the space between stimulus and response, stopping drinking, to me, was the first step in creating that space, that when something happens not to let stuff get to me so much to be able to respond instead of react, right. And that’s one of the most beautiful gifts, also, of sobriety. And to get back to what you’re saying, We’re used to being on ADHD mode, so to be on and on and on. And so the mental chatter feels normal. And it feels comfortable up to a certain degree. So sometimes, we just go looking, we just go looking for it.
Yeah, very familiar. I love that Viktor Frankl quote, it was and that was from his Man’s Search for Meaning.
I think so. Yeah.
Such a good book. Yeah, so I just think it’s so interesting how we, when we get sober, we start implementing these tools, and we get the right support that we begin to experience a new normal, right, that, that place of, you know, rumination is becomes a sign that Oh, I like it’s a signal that more self care is needed. And I love what you said about the fact that we need other people for the objective perspective, it’s been my experience that when I’m emotional about something, it does color my perspective, and I just can’t see clearly. And that so and that’s such a good way of explaining why we need each other why it’s good to have a coach a support system. And, I mean, I feel like we’re so high maintenance, we could use a whole team of people.
But I, you know what, I, it’s part of it, and don’t get me wrong, Arlina it’s not going to be perfect, and my life is not perfect. And sometimes I have shitty days when I just want to roll up in a ball. But if you compare it to before, like the percentage of feeling better, is through the roof. It’s incredible. And going back to community, you know, we’re both part of a wonderful, wonderful healing community called she recovers where we get to give and by giving to them, we receive more than, than anything, and it’s the most beautiful, non non judgmental, supportive community.
Yeah, now I’ve had both Don and Taryn on on the podcasts and I love their I know they’re so wonderful and I love the idea that everybody is recovering from something. I mean, let’s face it, life is hard. Everybody has experienced trauma in London. or the other. And I just love the openness and the just the love and support that really you know what it is? It’s like validation. It’s like I see, I hear you. You’re not alone, you matter. I those are like the overall tenants. And it’s like no one and there’s like some three 400,000 Women now and she recovers community. It’s a it’s a very large community. And I wanted to take you back a little bit to the messy middle. You know, those of us who are in midlife, you know, there is a lot of responsibility. You’re like you said, we’re raising kids. Maybe there’s menopause, maybe not that we’re in transition, maybe what used to work for us no longer works, aging parents. It is a lot going on. So what are some of the tools that you used or that you suggest to the women that you work with when they’re sort of in the middle of the storm?
What I think the most important thing, and I want to share something with you while I was healing, I listened to podcasts. And one that I liked a lot was the good life project with Jonathan fields. And he had a guest His name is Chip Conley, he chip call me is was a rich atelier. Well, you know, he had many hotels or hotel chains. And then in a conference, he flatlined, and then he decided to change his life. And
he survived. Yes,
yes, that survived. Yeah. And then he went to work to help the guys from Airbnb start their business. He was 52. And he was a dinosaur. So he really started his life’s work around ageism. So he decided to leave the hotel business and start up the modern elder Academy, which is a wisdom school for people in midlife and beyond. And when we talked on the podcast, or Lima, of course, for myself, I was like, I need to go there, I need to go there, you go learn. I went Utes in Baja, it’s in Baja, California. And that’s where I started to learn about everything that had happened to me make sense of it and realize, you know, when you talk about tools, to know that there’s a scientific you curve of happiness, and at midlife, especially between 4749, you’re at your lowest on the happiness scale.
47 or 49 people are there.
And then going after you turn 50, and goes back up. And you know, when as you age, people normally get much happier, more comfortable. So quite often, you’re at the bottom of that, because of so many factors. So just to understand that, to accept it. And then to acknowledge everything that’s going on. You know, when you’re coaching quite often we go back to the strengths, we go back to the values and think people at that age quite often have stopped knowing themselves. They still hold on to the person they were when they were in their 20s before they had kids. And as you you get older and you have more life experience, you change you slowly detach still pure miracle parents from the schemes of education saying my parents did it that way. But I don’t want to raise my child that way. So in midlife, getting to know yourself, again, reevaluating who I am, who am I now? And what do I want? Because quite often you’ve life has become insipid. You’ve lost your taste for life like your satisfaction capital is is really low. We get
there’s so much work to be done. And I think you know that I that idea that I’ll work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. It’s like Absolutely. And there’s so much work to be done in midlife. And I’m so glad that you brought up chip Connolly. He was actually I had bookmark the modern. Is it the modern elderly Academy, modern elder Academy, modern elder Academy. I had actually bookmark that after listening to an interview that he did with Tim Ferriss.
Exactly. Yeah, I heard that interview after I went and his book is wisdom at work.
Wisdom at work. Okay. Yeah.
Anyone? You know it’s very noble. He wants to change ageism in the workplace in diversity and inclusion. People are ageist.
Oh my gosh, I gotta tell you, I left. I left Silicon Valley. You know, I left Silicon Valley my early. I’m still in my early 50s. But I think it was like, 51 Yeah, I was 51 when I left. And I was a dinosaur in Silicon Valley. You know, as an inside sales rep. I was working with a guy that was like, half my age. He was like the field rep. I was the inside. Rep. I was like, I don’t want to travel anymore. I don’t want to do any of that anymore. And, and it’s that ageism is, I reckon I felt it in my 40s.
But yeah, and it’s so refreshing his tape, is that in midlife, because of life expense expectancy, we’re about halfway through our life. And it’s not as if I love that term. I’m reading a book about ageism, about aging and trying to look at the title anyways. I think it’s hard to be a boss at aging. And she talks about people like women having cauliflower hair, do you see it? You’re in your late 40s? You were you’re old already. And it’s not true anymore.
Picture of JLo and the lady from the golden girls know, her name was Blanche. Yes. So if you’re familiar with the Golden Girls, bland, was they’re all old. But Blanche was like the quote unquote sexy one. He was. So it was so funny. Because Jay, there was picture of JLo. And she was like swinging on a pole. And as crazy suit, like at the halftime, you know, the Super Bowl halftime show. She’s the same age as Blanche was on that show.
But this is different. It’s so important to look at it, we’re not old anymore, and to by changing your life. And by redefining your purpose. And quite often at midlife, it means changing your careers, or changing something in your relationship making, it’s a time of storms of big changes. But by doing that, you have so many beautiful years, that’s what I try to do. You know, I gotta tell you to inspire people to changes.
Yeah, and I totally resonate with everything that you said, because I was living, I felt like I was living a double life. Because somewhere along the line, my values changed. I used to be very money driven and want to provide for my family and do you know, make the money and achieve and all that stuff. And somewhere along the line, my value started to change. I was like God did not put me on this planet to sell network security software to the enterprise level, it just did not feel like it was purpose driven work. And it was it was a painful place to be because I did not feel I was being my authentic self, my values had changed. And it was very difficult to go through that messy middle where I had to, you know, change who I like I had to reckon with who I had evolved into, for lack of a better term I had completely changed.
Yeah, it takes time to take a step back. And I remember when I was at the modern elder Academy, and it’s beautiful. It’s like walking into Architectural Digest, it’s amazing. And to realize that it’s a hard, it’s a really rough time of life. And that I really wanted to help people, especially women, in that transitions and how, like, if I can give you a metaphor, it’s to be swimming in the ocean. But the shore that you’ve left is too far to go back. And you don’t yet see the other shore. So you have to rely on faith, on your sense of, of self love and saying, I deserve to be happy and I deserve to have a life that belongs to me in which I thrive in a world
Cintiq Oh, I love that. Yeah, it’s a very, it’s a very challenging time. And I think it’s so important to have somebody, a coach, somebody like you that can help you sort of stay focused on your TrueNorth you know, become authentic, you know, really, I don’t even know how to say it but like, like step into your authentic life. Let go of the things that no longer serve you and allow yourself to step into something different. It’s a it’s a scary time and it doesn’t require a lot of support and a lot of because it really is like a roller coaster. Oh Do you need to have, you know, somebody that, like you said is objective to tell, you know, you’re still okay, you’re still on the right path. You know, as you and I work together, it was always like this gentle reminder of, you know, this is what your you said your values and your goals are does that still fit for you know, just having those, you know, guidelines or supports are not really blinders, but just like the parameters of Yeah, kind of on autopilot. Yeah, yeah, really. And so it was so helpful to go through that process like you walked through, not only did you walk me through the process of letting go of my corporate career, you were also there to remind me when I hit my goals, right, because one day, you were like, Do you realize you hit your financial goal that you said a year ago? And I was like, Oh, my God, I didn’t even realize it. And maybe I realized it and just like, quickly skipped over and you’re like, No, no, we need to go back and celebrate that. That’s a big deal. So it’s nice to have sort of somebody that was like, kind of the the record keeper and the truth teller, during that time when my head was telling me all kinds of crazy things. Yes, that also, yeah, change is not comfortable, not comfortable, not easy. But I’m so glad that we have so many resources and that times are changing, and people really are prioritizing their mental health and to have somebody like you to say your mental health is important. And you are worthy of living an authentic life and living within values that maybe have shifted, and that’s all okay. So Beyonce
and to realize, you know, what my objective is, my objectives is prevention, for mental health, but to normalize a lot of us, you know, whoever thought even before the pandemic, that they compare themselves to normal people. Normal people don’t exist. We all have mental health struggles, their unicorns exist. No, so and we’re all suffering. We’ve all been, you know, going through unprecedented times. Yes. Chronic stress. We’ve all been living in a state of chronic
stress. Yeah. Yeah. challenging times. Well, I’m so glad that there’s tools and people like you to help people like me apply those tools and have a change in my experience. You know, I just want to say thanks again, it’s been so helpful to have you in my life as a guide and support and tell me I know you did a lot of work on your website and people are able to reach out to you what’s the best way for people to learn more about you the work you do and how to get a hold of you.
And you can reach me on my website at Julie at Julie bloom dot world.
Unknown Speaker 1:08:05
Julie bloom dot world I love that
Arlina Allen 1:08:08
I work internationally in English, French and Spanish.
Unknown Speaker 1:08:12
So maybe you’re gonna be so busy.
Arlina Allen 1:08:17
That’s awesome. I should probably start a Spanish podcast I
Unknown Speaker 1:08:20
know that I’m half Mexican.
Arlina Allen 1:08:24
Yeah, and I on Instagram, Julie Blue Dot world and I think Facebook is the same. Julie bloom
dot world. I G love it. Well, listen, my friend, thank you so much for joining me today and telling your story and sharing some tools. Like I think there’s a lot of women out there who need some help with their midlife transitions and ADHD support and, and recovery coaching and it all kind of goes together. So thanks so much for joining me. I look forward to speaking with you again real soon.
Thanks, Arlina. Thank you so much. That was fun.
Unknown Speaker 1:09:04
A great day. You too. Thanks.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
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