In certain recovery communities, we’re taught that justifiable anger should be left to people better qualified to handle it. I disagree.
I believe that telling women not to be angry is teaching them to betray themselves and that has to stop.
As women were taught from the beginning to be “nice”. The conditioning starts when we’re little girls when we’re told to be “good girls”. As if having wants, expressing opinions and feelings of hurt and anger are bad.
We tell young girls that if they get angry that they’re being mean. The conditioning continues when we are told things like, “Don’t get angry.” “Don’t eat too much.” “Don’t be bossy.” As we get older, we are told not to be too sexual, too loud, too aggressive or too demanding.
We are systematically taught to disconnect and disassociate from our feelings. It’s no wonder we don’t know what we really want.
We’re taught to deny the very feelings that make us human. It makes me feel sick now because it’s so wrong. It’s teaching us to accept the worst kind of betrayal. The betrayal of self.
I’m fucking over it. I hate seeing what this does to women later in life. All the wasted years in toxic relationships, the food disorders, the obsessions, the addictions. These are all attempts to distract from pain that is unresolved sadness, anger, and frustration. It’s a distraction from that little voice on the inside that needs to be heard and understood.
I talk to women all the time who are okay with things that are not okay. They do the spiritual bypassing that allows them to skip over their anger. The rationalization and justification for skipping over it. Meditate, journal, and pray it away.
But what happens to that anger? We internalize it.
Unfortunately it will always manifest. What we resist persists and it shows up in compulsive behaviors, depression and that feeling of “being stuck”.
Let’s just reset that negative limiting belief. Anger is not a bad thing. It’s a sign of an unmet need. I’m not suggesting that you get so angry that you lose yourself in blind rage. Like, don’t stab a bitch. That would be bad…
How about we just be honest about our feelings for a change? How about we live honestly and authentically?
Anger is normal. It’s natural. It’s a sign that something isn’t right with you and something needs to change. You can even use it for motivation to do something different.
The resolution to anger is either make it fair or forgive.
I’m asking you, please don’t be a “good girl” anymore. That’s a gross betrayal of self.
Get angry. Process that shit to resolution. Don’t carry it around with you. If you feel angry because something isn’t fair to you, it’s okay to get angry. It’s okay to say, “Hey, this isn’t right.” and start a dialog. Start negotiating and advocate for yourself.
And I’m not saying there isn’t a place for compassion, but that comes after speaking your truth, without blame or judgement. After you have expressed the honest truth about your feelings. After being authentic, instead of stuffing your feelings.
Being angry is part of holistic recovery. In recovery, recover our whole selves. The good and the bad.
I’m telling you, anger is not a bad thing. I hear from women all the time who tell me, “I’m just not angry.”
I’m thinking, you’re not angry? You’re 100 pounds overweight. You’re eating your feelings. You’re eating your anger. Stop it! Stop betraying yourself.
I see people suffering and it just kills me sometimes. And you know why? I’ll tell you the truth.
The truth is, I need to get angry. I am angry. I need to listen to my own inner little girl.
I’m doing this daily exercise right now where I take a red crayon and I ask my inner little girl, “How are you feeling today? What is going on with you?”
Then I just write as if I’m her. (btw, she’s really pissed because I’ve been betryaing her for so long).
But I jus listen to her. I hear what she has to say and support her. I do the things she needs me to do like speak up and advocate for myself.
There’s so many things I want to do. So many dreams and goals I want to manifest and for me, it all starts with showing up with my whole self.
So that’s what I’m asking you to do. I want to surround myself with women who are done being good girls. Maybe just get in touch with your inner bad bitch.
I just found this woman, she’s a rapper called Snow Tha Product. Oh my god. She’s like my spirit animal and I love her. I love how she is just so authentically herself and that she is all about self empowerment.
She’s like Pink. Pink is another example of a strong woman who is just so authentically herself and she’s adored by millions!
So that’s the challenge for the day. Be your authentic self today, even if it means you get angry. Just process the anger to resolution. Make the situation fair, and if you can’t, then forgive. Find compassion for yourself and others. Get rid of that victim mentality and go after what you want. You deserve so much better.
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