What if the biggest obstacle between you and your higher power isn’t your skepticism — it’s the feelings you’ve been trying not to feel?
In this episode, I sit down with Sonia Kahlon, co-host of the Sisters in Sobriety Substack and a longtime sober woman, to work through Step 2 together: “Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.” Sonia came in ready to push back on the language — and what unfolded became one of the most honest, moving conversations I’ve had on this podcast.
The Problem With Step 2 (and Why It’s Mostly Semantic)
Sonia arrived at Step 2 frustrated. The Big Book’s language felt outdated — “insanity,” “sedatives,” Fred dropping whiskey into his milk — and she was, in her words, off and running. I totally get it. But here’s what I shared with her: the definition of insanity in Step 2 isn’t about mental illness. It’s about doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different result. Most of us who drank the way we drank know exactly what that looked like. Once you reframe that word, the whole step opens up.
The 12 and 12 helped Sonia get there — especially the line: “Just have an open mind, and take it piecemeal.” That’s all. You don’t have to believe everything at once. You just have to be willing to try one small piece at a time.
Building a Higher Power That Actually Works for You
One of my favorite moments in this conversation was hearing Sonia describe the higher power she wrote down in her homework: forgiving, empathetic, loving — and a flexible, changing but steady presence that adapts as she grows. That’s not so different from what I came up with when I first worked Step 2. I picture God as a master organizer — someone adjusting the path in front of me as I change, not fixing my fate in stone.
We both talked about synchronicity as one of the clearest ways we see our higher power at work. I shared a story from a meeting years ago — I mentioned my sobriety date without thinking, and a woman who had just lost her husband heard it as a sign because it was their wedding anniversary. I still can’t explain that. All I know is something was at work that I didn’t orchestrate. As the 12 and 12 says, “We hadn’t asked God what his will was for us. We had been telling him what it ought to be.” Belief means reliance, not defiance. That line really moved me.
Joy Won’t Enter a House Where Her Children Are Not Welcome
This is the part of our conversation I keep coming back to. Sonia shared that she rarely cries — that she’s felt emotionally locked up since her divorce, like the big feelings just won’t come. Then she described a moment: her boyfriend’s grief was finally being met, and she started crying — happy tears, unexpected, uncontrollable. She didn’t know why.
I think I do. When we witness someone healing, it heals a part of us. And when we’ve been keeping the door shut on painful emotions, we also shut out joy, awe, and wonder. You don’t get to pick and choose. Joy is the mother of all emotions, and she won’t enter a house where her children are not welcome. If you’re avoiding pain, you’re also avoiding joy.
So much of addiction is avoidance — we’re all trying to escape feelings we don’t know how to process. When we finally surrender and let those feelings in, we get everything back. That’s what Step 2 is really offering.
“Joy is the mother of all emotions, and she won’t enter a house where her children are not welcome.”
Recovery gives you the chance to feel everything again — and Sonia is living proof that it’s possible, even years into sobriety, to crack back open. That’s the gift of doing this work.
Action Items
- Reread Step 2 substituting “doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result” for the word “insanity” — see if it lands differently
- Write down all the qualities you’d want your higher power to have, and all the ones you wouldn’t want
- Notice one “God shot” or moment of synchronicity this week and write it down
- Practice the pause between your impulse and your reaction, even once — notice what’s in that space
- Read the “We Agnostics” chapter in the Big Book and look for similarities, not differences
- The next time you want to escape an uncomfortable feeling, try naming it instead
- Pick up The 12 Step Guide for Skeptics if Step 2 language has ever stopped you in your tracks
Resources Mentioned
- Sisters in Sobriety Substack – Sonia Kahlon’s community and podcast
- The 12 Step Guide for Skeptics by Arlina Allen
- Alcoholics Anonymous (The Big Book)
- 12 Steps and 12 Traditions
- Jeremy Lipkowitz – Buddhist teacher and recovered sex addict (previous ORP guest)
- Dr. Jud Brewer – mental habit loops research
- Marianne Williamson – “The ego speaks first and the ego speaks loudest”
- Stick Season by Noah Kahan
👊 Need help applying this information to your own life?
Here are 3 ways to get started:
🎁 Free Guide: 30 Tips for Your First 30 Days – With a printable PDF checklist
Grab your copy here: https://www.soberlifeschool.com
☎️ Private Coaching: Make Sobriety Stick
https://www.makesobrietystick.com
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