In today’s episode, I sit down with my dear friend Julie Bloom – She’s a coach, mental health trainer, and survivor of childhood abuse, and severe workplace trauma.
Julie shares her remarkable story of navigating PTSD, burnout, trauma, addiction, and a complete midlife unraveling… and how she rebuilt her identity through emotional regulation, nonviolent communication, and deep personal healing.
Together we explore:
✨ Why emotional regulation is the foundation of all healing
✨ What actually happens in the brain during triggers
✨ How to respond instead of react
✨ The surprising power of compassionate communication
✨ The connection between trauma, addiction, and high achievement
✨ How sobriety opened the door for Julie’s personal transformation
✨ Tools like the RAIN method, journaling, two-way prayer, adaptive thinking, and more
If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed by your emotions, stuck in old patterns, or unsure how to communicate your needs… this episode will give you hope and real strategies you can use today.
Find Julie on Instagram at @juliebloomworld
Practical Tools Julie Uses Daily
1. The RAIN Method (Tara Brach)
- Recognize the emotion
- Allow it
- Investigate the root
- Nurture yourself with compassion
This is one of the most effective techniques for processing feelings without being overwhelmed by them.
2. Adaptive Thinking
Give the appropriate amount of time, space, and energy to an event—no more and no less.
This breaks catastrophizing loops.
3. Two-Way Prayer / Intuitive Journaling
Ask:
“What would you have me know today?”
Then write the response without filtering.
This helps quiet the noise and strengthen inner guidance.
4. Morning Routines for Regulation
Julie wakes before her family to journal, set intentions, and ground herself.
This 20–30 minute window changes the entire tone of her day.
5. Practical Boundaries: “Let me get back to you.”
Julie never responds immediately to requests.
She creates space for emotional clarity before giving an answer.
Healthy Communication: Stop the “Festival” Conversations
Most conflict comes down to two things:
• speaking while dysregulated
• addressing 10 different issues at once
Julie uses principles from Nonviolent Communication:
1. Stick to a single topic.
No “festivals.” One issue at a time.
2. Ask for timing.
“Is now a good time to talk?”
If not, schedule it.
3. Use “I” statements.
Not “You always…”
But “I feel… and I need…”
4. State your needs clearly.
“I need you to let me finish without interrupting.”
5. If someone interrupts, say:
“You’re interrupting me.”
or
“I can’t hear you when you talk over me.”
Simple. Direct. Respectful.
Mindset: Permission to Change
Julie emphasizes one point every person in recovery needs to hear:
“Until today, you haven’t been able to change. That is not a life sentence.”
Change requires tools, community, and repeated attempts.
Somatic work, EMDR, coaching, trauma-informed therapy—there are so many modalities available now. The goal isn’t to pick the “right” one. The goal is to keep trying until something breaks through.
Action Steps From This Episode
1. Practice the RAIN Method once this week.
Even five minutes makes a difference.
2. Build a morning “emotional buffer.”
Wake up 20–30 minutes earlier.
Journal. Breathe. Set intentions.
3. Use a communication script.
Try these:
• “Is now a good time to talk?”
• “Let me get back to you by the end of the day.”
• “I feel ___. My need is ___.”
4. Identify one area where you react instead of respond.
Notice the trigger → pause → breathe → choose.
5. Try the intuitive journaling prompt:
“What would you have me know today?”
6. Consider adding support.
Coach, therapist, trauma specialist—anything that expands your toolbox.
Resources Mentioned
- RAIN Meditation (Tara Brach)
- Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg
- Adaptive Thinking / Emotional Regulation tools
- Two-Way Prayer / Intuitive Journaling
- Somatic Therapy & Fascia Release for Trauma
- EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing)
- Book: It’s Not Your Money by Tosha Silver
👊🏼Need help applying this information to your own life?
Here are 3 ways to get started:
🎁Free Guide: 30 Tips for Your First 30 Days – With a printable PDF checklist
Grab your copy here: https://www.soberlifeschool.com
☎️Private Coaching: Make Sobriety Stick
https://www.makesobrietystick.com
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Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Amazon Music, or you can stream it from my website HERE. You can also watch the interview on YouTube.
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Transcript:
Well, Julie, thank you so much for joining me today. Oh, thank you, Arlene. It’s a privilege to be here with you. Thank you for inviting me. Of course. Yeah. Listen, you and I are friends. We met several years ago through the She Recovers community, and I’ve just been so blessed to have you as a friend. It’s nice to sort of be in this world of like healers and people who are out in the world really trying to have an impact, reduce suffering in others.
Really people who are on their own healing journey. It, it’s so funny ’cause I, people pitch me all the time to be on the podcast. I do always do like a little pre-interview chat and I can sniff it out in two seconds if someone has done their own work or not. And like, oh. It’s an absolute requirement for me.
And you have done so much work and listen, you’re standing on a lot of knowledge, like you speak. Was it four? Is it four language languages fluently? I work in three. Three, okay. Yeah, I mean that’s, that’s impressive. I [00:01:00] can barely manage one. I think it’s amazing that you’re able to help. ’cause I feel like those other, it’s a Spanish, French, and English.
Is that right? Yes. Yeah. So every day I work in all three. That’s wild to me. Fun. Is it fun? Yeah. You’re so smart. I, some people just have like a natural aptitude for languages and so that’s, I really admire that. And you really tell me a little bit about what you’re currently doing. I wear a few hats, but the work that is the most important to me right now is to empower people, namely women, to put themselves in the driver’s seat of their own life, to create their own identity and reality.
And two. Take their healing into their own hands. We live in strange times, aleena, lots of weird things going on, [00:02:00] lots of change. But the beautiful part is that science is uncovering so much and there’s so many new knowledge, healing modalities, right? So that. We used to think either I’m good at this or not.
There are tons of tools right now and there’s tons of data that can help explain our suffering. So to be, to work as a coach on that journey where everything becomes so complicated, um, and to help women untangle to, um. Guide them and to see the, the difference that it’s making in their life and for them to really empower themselves.
Yeah, it’s the most gratifying work. So I do that. I’m also a trainer and speaker [00:03:00] for mental health and yeah. You also do a lot of work in like the corporate environment too. Yes. That’s really important. I feel like the, it’s so interesting because I feel like the tools, strategies, and practices that we use to change really extreme behaviors like addiction can absolutely be adapted.
In the corporate environment. ’cause there’s so much dysfunction in the corporate environment. Yes. And people really need, it’s like if we can use these tools to break addiction, for heaven’s sakes, we can use these same skills to, you know, heal the dysfunction at work, which is really kind of at a lust to me, in my mind.
If there is a scale of problems, like if we can solve it over there, we absolutely can solve it in the corporate world too. Yes, and I work mostly in the corporate world with the executives. And you know what, for example, the tool, sorry, are [00:04:00] transferable. So yeah, emotional regulation is just as useful at work as it is in our personal life.
Healthy communication skills that are based in nonviolent communication, caring for ourselves, giving ourselves space to think, to identify our needs, those and organizational skills, right? Both for the workplace and for our own life and our own committees. Yeah. Yeah. These, these are really important skills that I think that are missing, and I love that.
Empowerment is really about taking extreme personal responsibility for all our feelings. I, I heard somebody say recently that power follows the blame finger. So if we’re blaming somebody else, they have all the power to, you know, control and manipulate you. And I don’t know about you, but I am. That is really offensive to me.
Like, I don’t like that idea, that idea that other [00:05:00] people can control me. You know? So I think it’s, you know, if nothing else, that is a very good reason to take personal responsibility. Yes. And to gain control. We can’t control every variable in our life. Yeah. Most things we can’t control, but we can. No, but how we choose to.
Feel emotions to receive them. Yeah. Because yes, we do have a choice, right? We used to think either, well, my grandmother was like that. My mom was like that. I’m like that too. I get, I don’t know. I go get triggered easily or I am not good at communication. This person is. Mm-hmm. There are beautiful tools that we can use.
And it’s so funny because for. Um, for example, in the workplace, right, to work on strategies, and I kid you [00:06:00] not, I work on strategies of body language on how to say hello, how to do small talk, and we create a registry of five different questions to ask people with follow up questions to get the ball rolling For some people.
Yeah, that’s what we need to do. We need to start small. It’s so funny. We’re gonna go, I’m gonna pick, put a little pin in that. Um, yeah, because, uh, a lot of times people don’t really know how to make small talk or they maybe talk shop or whatever, but to really connect with the person, not just the role that people represent is really important.
And you said something that struck me like a thunderbolt. It’s not just the questions to ask, it’s the follow-up questions. Because if somebody is not asking me a follow-up question, I don’t feel like they’re really listening to me. They’re just waiting for their turn to speak again. And that you can feel the energy shift Yeah.
When someone asks the [00:07:00] follow up question. Mm-hmm. I think that’s a big deal. Okay. But, uh, let’s backtrack just a little bit because I feel like, you know, we’re. We’re talking about solutions to different things, but I really feel like it’s important to start with like what, what the problems are. And you had a such a interesting story, your own personal story, which kind of got you into this space, and I’m just curious in terms of.
You know where you wanna start. We were talking about starting with, uh, the midlife crisis, which I myself am midlife. I feel like a lot of people in my audience are midlife. Yeah. And first of all, how do you define midlife? Is it like between 30 and 60, or is it a shorter window than that? How do you think of midlife?
You know what, it’s very interesting because with them. Organization that I follow and that I went to, which is called the [00:08:00] Modern Elder Academy. Oh yeah. That helps people. Chip Conley, right? Yes. Um, so I believe it can start as early as early thirties and until 75. Right. Yeah. ’cause we’re living longer now, right?
So what’s considered midlife is wider and the, I think the average age of startup owners is 48. Interesting. Okay. So a lot of people, all of that conditioning about age is changing and I’m loving that because it’s one of the most important things for me to put. Everything through the filter of sustainability and longevity in the work that I do for myself and for my clients.
But you’re saying midlife unraveling, midlife crisis. Do you not see the gravel behind me? There’s a whole lot of it. [00:09:00] Yeah. So, you know, you know, you and I met through Sheba covers. It’s like people who are trying to cook, drinking and things like that, where. Is the drinking in your workplace. We were gonna talk about your workplace, PTSD.
Tell me, tell me a little story about, you know, how that showed up for you. You know what, the drinking, I had a whole other bunch of problems that we’ll talk about before, but the drinking, uh, and stopping drinking is what opened a door. Mm-hmm. Everything else is a key that unlocked the door. So I was a tenured teacher teaching Spanish and college and university.
I had been for 20 years, loved my job, was a little bit jaded because with, you know, the generations things are changing and there’s a lot of cheating and a lot of. I was in [00:10:00] Cuba, I couldn’t attend your class. What can you do for me, dear teacher, kind of. Wow. Okay. So I was a little bit jaded, but pension plan and summers off, that kept me.
Right. They say the prison of tenure, they, that’s what they call it quite often. Yeah. And in 2017. Life brought me down to my knees. So two dangerous events happen in my place of work. The first one was an armed individual. Um, it doesn’t only happen in the States, right? So I was in the auditorium seeing a Spanish movie with a hundred of my students.
When I stepped out for a moment, ’cause I had seen the movie and I saw that there was a SWAT team and everything, people running around in sirens. So I was really scared for me and for my students. And they said that there was somebody, an armed [00:11:00] individual in the college. And at the end of the day, they looked and looked and looked.
I was scared and turns out that the person wasn’t there. And you think. Person wasn’t there. I’ll go back in my car, go home and that’s it. That’s that your, my rational brain was like, nothing happened. Doesn’t work that way. Trauma doesn’t work that way. It triggered a trauma response in you. Indeed. But I didn’t really know.
’cause at the time I was a full-time working mom. Had to go back home to my family. I mean, I didn’t even have the luxury to think, I don’t think. And then there was another event that happened where there were death threats that were badly dealt with in my department. Few other things really. You know, when you say like the shittiest plan.
Alignment of planets or planet alignment that can happen to bring you [00:12:00] down to your knees. Hmm. It happened in different spheres of my life, and I remember, um, my daughter was small, six or seven. We were in California. We went to Disneyland and to Malibu and to, and like everything. I look at the pictures, you know, with the Disney castle in the back.
Yeah, everything looked fine. I, that’s when I broke down on top of everything. I got the flu and I was still drinking. I was, you know what? I think when my daughter was small, I, that’s when I really got addicted to drinking. So I was a two to three glasses a night. Um, Pinot Gio or Rose or Chardonnay, and.
For the longest time I knew, ’cause I’m highly sensitive, right? It was like a black cloud following me. I knew it wasn’t [00:13:00] serving me. And then for the longest time, Arlene, I tried the. So I’ll drink one glass on Thursday, Fridays fine. Then Saturday did this and that, and trying to abide by my rules and waking up at three in the morning saying I’m never drinking again.
Rinse and repeat. Yeah. And that when it kind of became insanity and I knew that. I wasn’t going to be able to do it. So when that alignment of the unraveling really becoming sick in California, coming back, asking for a leave of absence, that was so difficult, and that’s part of the work that I do. There is so much shame, there is so much fear in asking for medical leave.
Right? Mm-hmm. Yeah, it’s really hard. So I [00:14:00] did, and I almost didn’t, and thankfully I did because some people in my situation, I was so deep into PTSD and burnout and addiction that I’m, I think I’m lucky to be alive, right? When it happened to me, there was a story in the newspaper about another teacher who was never taking her days off, whatever, and she died from.
All that. It does happen. Yeah. So what happened is that I one, so my body was sick. Physically. Yeah. My mind was sick, but I got severe vertigo, and the severe vertigo became the gift that became the key because of vertigo, I couldn’t drink alcohol. I couldn’t drink caffeine. Right, because it was so, so bad.
So I lived in the [00:15:00] corner of my sectional for about a year and a half. Wow. And I couldn’t read, uh, everything made me nauseous. So I held on two walls and then I started to have cognitive dysfunction in my executive function. So my speech was affected. It still is. I speak much slower. I got a diag when I got.
PTSD diagnosis. I also had an A DHD diagnosis that explained a lot. So I used to speak, you know, machine gun really fast, A DHD, and now it’s like I’m stuck in third or fourth year. And that’s fine because it’s helping me a lot in what I do. But it was the hardest. Time. I don’t wish that upon everyone. You know, when you don’t know which side is up or down, I can imagine anymore.
And in all this fear is like both [00:16:00] literal and figurative. It was like that. So my identity, um, so I started to. Slowly go to therapy, work with two neuropsychologists at the same time, one for brain reconstruction and managing A DHD that was exacerbated all over the place. Mm-hmm. And then the other one.
For psychotherapy, hypnosis, EMDR to help me process. That’s heavy with PTSD. Yeah, so I worked and worked and worked and I broke bones. Like I had a lot of physical ailments and I think it’s. So important to name that when you’re going through something or if you have trauma in your life or childhood trauma, the repercussions on your body quite often, then you’re going to need more physio, osteo care, you’re going to tend to have more [00:17:00] tendonitis.
You know there’s a link to fibromyalgia. Yeah, there’s a lot of physical manifestations. Yeah, absolutely. It’s so interesting to hear about your, you know, you were highly. Like a high, I would classify you as like a high achiever. Oh yeah. I’ve always been, yeah. High achiever. Yeah. You’re, you’re my people for sure.
The high achievers and a lot of times it, the high achievers are coming from a place of trying to overcome something. Right. It’s. Often rooted in sort of like, not good enough, not worthy, um, self blame, like all kinds of stuff. So we develop these coping strategies and achievement as one of them, and I just can’t help but wonder when all that was taken from you, including the alcohol and caffeine, um, and you were just left with you.
I, I would, I think I would’ve gone a little bit crazy. Like, what was that experience like of having nothing to distract you? [00:18:00] I think it was multi-layered because dealing with an argument with my husband without a glass of wine that wasn’t easy learning. Right. Yeah. And how. To manage. And that’s when I held on to little things like she recovers like the bubble hour.
Right. Because I couldn’t read, I couldn’t do much, but I could listen. Yeah. I started to educate myself and to, and that sense of community of having. You know, surrounding my senses with suffering of other people, of understanding of the commonality of the hardships of humanity. Yeah. Felt good to me. At that moment, I also started slowly to do personal development [00:19:00] for emotional regulation, for communication skills, nonviolent communications, and I did a lot of, um.
Free trainings, some free, some not. ’cause I was on disability leave. Right, right. So like, um, compassion cultivation studies at Stanford, which was life changing compassion, both in leadership. Or self-compassion. Yeah. Which is a part of what you do. Um, science of wellbeing at Yale, and I took many courses in Mexico actually about socio-emotional skills, so I helped myself and.
It was slow, right? I was on disability for three years. Yeah. Before I could even contemplate. So I knew that I could not go back to, uh, my place of work. I couldn’t physically go back there. I had tried and the triggers [00:20:00] were in months, and I knew that I couldn’t go back and in parallel. I dug deeper and I think it kind of came naturally because I had a bit of time, yeah, time to give to myself, to think, and I kind of was in denial about my childhood sexual abuse, incest, and I was able to start my healing journey there also to recognize it.
And to me, like I, I know you like me. That’s why we like each other. You are a neuroscience geek. Just like I, and knowing, learning, educating myself about the impact of childhood sexual abuse on my health, on my development, on my brain, on my relational skills, on obesity. Right. Mm-hmm. The vast majority of people who suffer from childhood [00:21:00] sexual abuse will suffer from obesity.
Yeah. The correlation to addiction is immense. Yeah. Yeah. There’s a, it, correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe it is tied to a sense of, um, security. Like if I insulate myself with weight mm-hmm. You know, then, um, then I’m safer. Is that true? Well, you know what, in part, that’s part of it. But the other part also is that to children, there are not many addictive behaviors that are available to you.
Food is available in a home. Yeah, normal. That makes a lot of sense. Right. So there’s that. Also, I think a protection definitely. And. A self-soothing and that Yes. And then learning about addiction. So when I first, when I was still healing [00:22:00] and knowing that I couldn’t go back, I did a coaching certification in, um.
Recovery coaching and professional coaching. And I thought it would be to help others at the beginning, but truly it was to help myself. Isn’t that funny? Like we, we did the coaching certification together and yeah, it, it was interesting. It’s like the, um, we go with this intention of helping others, but as you learn this information, it’s like, of course it’s gonna land on us too.
Right. And we have. Yeah, it’s interesting how it just naturally brings everything up and they do it in these class settings where you’re able to, you know, have some community and talk things through with other people. So we end up, um, getting some healing, uh, that way too. That was really good. Um, so to switch gears a little bit, you know, I’ve been obsessed with this idea that underneath every trigger.
Is a treasure [00:23:00] and the sounds like you got really triggered at work. You had a lot of PTSD at work. Um, those are some crazy, like an active shooter, active, um, did they call it an active shooter or was it active armed person? But funnily enough, no. But two years after, as I was healing and contemplating going back, then there was an active shooting back in my college and.
That sealed the deal. Yeah. You’re like, no, thank you. Yeah. No. So that kind of brought back. New triggers. Yeah. Yeah. But it’s, it’s interesting that like the trauma was always present in your body, in your mind, and an incident happens that triggers it and it feels terrible in the beginning. Right. It feels like life is over.
It’s a very dark time for a lot of people to be in the crisis of addiction. And like when I was going through my process and, and re you [00:24:00] know, reconciling or re really wrestling with this idea that. I had an addiction issue. What I thought was the worst thing that could have ever happened to me turned out to be the best thing that could have ever happened to me because I really was kinda forced to do the self-reflection work that is required to heal PTSD and trauma.
Right? Yeah. Mm-hmm. And so, um, so you’re, you’ve been on this journey for nearly eight years, I think, I believe you said March is? Yeah, March will be eight years. That’s a huge accomplishment. So, congratulations. Um, thank you. Fair enough. And so, and now you have this, you know, real strong desire to try to help other people, right?
You get your coaching certification, you go out into the world and you’re using all your skills and talents out in the world, and. You know, we talked just before we started recording about wanting to bring hope to people and I feel like there the world is on fire, right? It’s like a dumpster fire right now.[00:25:00]
You know? I was just telling you that. Um. My husband’s friend sent him an email that talked about, you know, Amazon laid off 50,000 people. UUPS laid off 30,000. I, I got the numbers all wrong, but it was just like tens of thousands of people. Salesforce, just like all these companies are, are laying off. And so there’s a lot of economic fears out there.
Everyone’s really afraid. But this idea of taking personal responsibility in emotion management, you actually mentioned. Two things that you thought were really important. It was emotional regulation and healthy communication strategies. Can we start with, uh, emotion regulation? Like where is it, like what’s, what is the skill and when do people apply it?
I just want to take a quick step back Sure. Because I want to recognize that. You know, [00:26:00] there’s a treasure with a trigger and there is a gift in healing. Yeah. I want to recognize that. I’m one of the fortunate ones. Yeah. I, we can’t forget, you know, I don’t subscribe to this idea that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.
I want to recognize that there are fellow sufferers who haven’t had. That sometimes addiction suffering can break you. Yeah. It didn’t happen to me. I was lucky enough. Thank you. And that, yeah. Yeah. And yeah, I think it’s important. Yeah. I’m glad you said that. Um, I, I think I shared with you recently that we had a friend that passed away.
Yes. Recently, within the last couple months. And he took his own life and, and, uh, I didn’t know that there was like a new way to talk about it or a different way to, yeah. Like what was the new phrasing? It’s, you, we need to say, [00:27:00] died by suicide. Died by suicide instead of committed suicide, right? Yeah. So that it’s not stigmatizing.
Yeah. And I really appreciated that. Um. And it was a friend of ours that had been suffering for a very, very long time and just ended up in a very dark place and we got the news and it was just, uh, it was really devastating. It was so devastating. I felt really bad for his mom, and the way she found out was by accident.
Like somebody found out before she did and kind of found out in a public forum. Someone didn’t know that she. Yes, it was a, yeah, it was a nightmare. Someone found out at a, at a 12 step meeting and called her and said, oh my God, I’m so sorry about your son. And she hadn’t heard yet. Like it was that It was that, yeah, that’s how she found out.
So it was just so, it was like a series of unfortunate events, but it’s like, anyway, you’re right. Like not everybody survives. A [00:28:00] lot of people. A lot of people die before they get recovery, so you’re right. We’re, we are the lucky ones. Um, but to your point, Arlena emotional regulation is at the heart. Yeah.
And could be that if. Along the journey. If we have a guide, if it becomes more mainstream for us to learn to regulate emotionally mm-hmm. It might help, right? Yeah, it will help. It is the thing that has helped me the most. So, emotional regulation, it’s funny because I, my two neuropsychologists were from France.
They live here in Quebec and they have kind of an advance and different ways of, um, different modalities and approaches. And I used to see, I think one, I used to [00:29:00] see them both the same week and then one week, one, one week the other. And they both came to the conclusion that I needed to learn about adaptive thinking.
At the same time, and adaptive thinking is giving the appropriate amount of time, space, energy, importance to an event or a situation. So to give the appropriate amount of time, space, and energy to an event or situation and no more. But that’s the hard part. No more we pull on full on. Apocalypse mode.
Catastrophizing. Yeah, catastrophizing ruminations, which then I learned the fancy word frontal loop, right? Which we humans do to protect ourselves. So with our beautiful tools [00:30:00] to learn how to do that healthy detachment. Right. Yeah. Emotional management. So I always go back to that quote of Viktor Frankl.
Between stimulus and response, there is a space, and that space is our power and our freedom to choose. Yeah. That’s where the good stuff is in the, that ability to process. So instead of reacting with our amygdala to rewire. Our neural pathways so that we are actually able to respond. So what? What do we need?
We need space in life. We need a breath. We need to pause and look, you know, you know there’s the rain process. There’s my a RC process. Bring your attention to the stimuli. Recognize what it is [00:31:00] and then choose your response. But to be, to have that ability, no one gave us permission. We never got the memo that we get to do that when something happens, we can take a breath.
We can look, oh my goodness, this is triggering. What do I want to do with that? Or to add a communication strategy to be, to create space again, to say, this doesn’t feel good right now. I’m going to go process. So for if it’s for work, let me get back to you by the end of the day with a response. Yeah. And create space.
We can delight. Yeah. I just wanna, um, kind of zero in on something you said. You mentioned the rain process. Uh, Tara Brock has a meditation on YouTube. Yeah, it’s a rain meditation. It stands for, recognize, allow, investigate, and nurture. And I gotta tell you, I probably did that meditation as a way to sort of daily siphon off [00:32:00] some of the crazy, like under, you know, during stressful periods of my life.
It was an acknowledge, it was a way to process feelings to resolution during difficult periods. Um, but I kind of wanna backtrack a little bit in the sense that we need motion regulation. We only know that we need motion regulation when we’ve. Been dysregulated. So in, in a 12 step parlance, you know, they say that if it’s hysterical, it’s historical.
So anytime I had is that good. Anytime I had a response that was disproportionate to the situation, that was my sign that it had nothing to do with what was going on here. And now it was about something that was unresolved in the past. And I think that’s. Why it’s so important. Like you were talking about doing, um, therapies like EMDR, the eye movement reprocessing.
Desensitization, that’s a mouthful, right? Because as we, you know, you gotta feel it to heal it. What you don’t acknowledge [00:33:00] controls you all, all that type of stuff. So I could see why they were like, oh, we need to, you know. Do the emotion regulation, but it came from an awareness that we were dysregulated and I think that’s, I think, I think the tricky part about.
Learning their regulation is that, like I had an experience, uh, just a couple days ago where I had an interaction with someone. One of my biggest triggers and pet peeves is when someone wants to come onto the podcast and you know, I do, you know, we have a little discussion or I do a little research and their whole platform is based on putting down another program.
Mm-hmm. It just really upsets me. To no end. I, I guess I gotta do, there’s a lot of work I need to do around that, but I was like, in the moment my heart was pounding. I, I was like, what is, what is this? Like, I felt I was, I noticed my heart pounding. Yeah. [00:34:00] And I needed to finish this conversation. It was over, over like a, a text or whatever, and I was like, Hey, just a couple questions here about this, you know?
But I was very basically confronting somebody on their, on their. Approach it. I don’t know if you don’t need to put something down in order to bring forward your tools, right? Like it doesn’t have to be I’m bringing these tools forward because this other thing is bad. Like, that’s not necessary. Right? And, uh, of course, yeah.
I just felt super, so it was interesting. I was like, I am having a hysterical response to this situation. What is this about? I haven’t quite gotten to the resolution, but. I was like, that’s really tricky. Like when you’re in the moment and you get triggered, your amygdala goes out, your fear center takes your whole brain offline.
Mm-hmm. Like your vagus nerve is triggered and it’s very hard to reach for your tools in an active state of [00:35:00] dysregulation. So would you say that the approach to this regulation, um, starts with preventative measures like. Meditation and journaling, like how do you think of that? I think it’s multifaceted.
Okay. Right. So the ability to regulate emotions, you first need to acknowledge, right. Okay. What is not going well? Where you’re having reactions. My heart is pounding. This is not going well. Yeah. Yeah. Not now, but like, yeah, the other day. So that awareness. That acceptance to have self-compassion. Because if you meet yourself with criticism, your body and your brain receive criticism as another stressor, right?
So that’s the last thing we want to do. Kindness. Always curiosity, right? Kindness. [00:36:00] Curiosity. Learn a little bit about what it’s right then. It’s having an intention to do better. What does doing better look like? It’s not linear like this. It looks like, oh my God, I don’t know. My child did that again and I screamed again, and I vowed not to do that.
My intention is to do better, to apply my technique, to take a breath. Next time. Maybe next time, mid-sentence. You’re gonna catch yourself, Julie. We’re not going there today. And then, and then with time, even before it happens. Oh. I have the trigger. So it’s a process, right? Mm-hmm. And with adding other beautiful protective factors, [00:37:00] techniques such as journaling.
Journaling is huge for me. Yeah. The brain dump in the morning to eliminate chaos. To get in touch with my feelings, and I love, I’m not religious, but what I’m reading Elizabeth Gilbert’s book. Oh, yeah. Right. All the way to the river. Yeah. And the question that she asks herself, and I started to do that. God, what will you have me know?
Yeah. Does she say God or is she saying, um, because she does letters to love, she’s got the substack letters to love, so she’s saying. Um, is she addressing love or is she, does she say God? In my mind, it’s gone. I’m okay. Be mistaken, but whatever universe, same. Same. Yeah. Yeah. And so that has given me the buffer, you know, along with really practical skills.
When I was in early recovery, my daughter [00:38:00] was not, anyway, she was in kindergarten or first year, right. And I realized trying to get up at the same time as her packing her lunch and making everything, I would lose my temper. So to think like practical things, I’m gonna get up before them. I’m gonna have a quiet cup of tea journal.
Suppose make a huge difference, right? Yeah. There are little things that compounded, um, allow you. To regulate emotionally. And that, you know, when I say empowerment is important for me, that is the first and most empowering step that we can take. Yeah. To regulate our emotions, to start the day doing self, the self-care practices.
I feel like I interrupted you. Um, so you, you’re doing, uh, what was, is commonly referred to as two-way prayer. Letters to love. It’s like when you write, uh, to God, what would you have [00:39:00] me know today? Or what would you have me do? Uh, what has that practice been like for you? Because then you respond as if you were, you know, the voice of God or voice of love.
Yeah. It’s a way to, because. I, I want us to dedicate some time to now because I’m in a really good place and I’m in a place where I’ve done a lot of healing and now I get to treat myself to tune in a little bit more to my intuition. Intuition, yeah. And to do, yeah. So to really, without putting a filter to see what comes up.
So I write. Automatic writing to begin. Yeah. How I’m feeling, what I’m carrying, what I want to do for the day. And you know how at the beginning of a journal, there is always a blank page. Yeah. So I like to draw. So I always do kind of a vision board with [00:40:00] my word of the year. All the thoughts that I want to put in my mind, the intentions for the day.
Yeah. Once. I’ve done my brain dump. Okay. I fill myself with all that I want. Mm-hmm. And, and that has been life changing. And the third element, if we think about life of abundance and how. I’ve integrated because becoming a business owner, like I said, I was tenured, wasn’t on my bingo card, and I needed to pay for my mortgage, and I’m a high achiever.
I wanted to do well and to have, so that’s the book. That’s the third part of my practice. Right. So automatic writing, then the envisioning, and then really having a ritual of abundance, of surrender. And for those that are just listening, it’s [00:41:00] called, it’s Not Your Money by Tosha Silver. I need to, I, I had that a long time ago.
I need to reread that because I feel like a lot of high achievers and plus in this economic. Time, wherever. There’s a lot of economic insecurity. I feel like a lot of fear is coming up for a lot of people around safety and money, and there are a lot of us high achievers that really tie outcomes like dollar amounts to our self-worth.
And when we have like this desperate, needy energy tied to it, it actually ruins it, right? It’s like whatever you chase runs away. Right. So I, I love what were, could I trouble you to maybe read a little something out of the book? You mentioned there were a couple of, um, maybe a prayer or something that, that you read regularly.
Um, yes. So. Divine Beloved allow me to give with complete ease and abundance, knowing that you are the unlimited source of all. [00:42:00] Let me be an easy, open conduit for your prosperity. Let me trust that all my own needs are always met in amazing ways, and that it’s safe to give freely as my heart guides, right?
So it’s a grounding, optimistic setting to. To have a fertile ground for whatever you want to create in the world. Do we need money? Absolutely. Do I have financial goals? Yes. And it’s okay. And, and the combination to me, although it was really difficult and not on my Bingo card, I’m so, so happy that I loved my first career.
This career as far as sustainability, because I live with limitations because of what happened to me. So my sandbox is 25 hours a week as far as [00:43:00] stress management, as far as fatigue. Right. So this new career works so well. It takes courage, of course. Tough. Yeah. But sustainability, longevity, it’s. Amazing.
And it is the most gratifying thing that one can do to help people empower themselves. Heal and live well. Yeah. No, that’s really beautiful. You know, you know me like, I love practical strategies too. Oh yeah. And I wanted be sure that we touch on some more solutions. ’cause how we’ve only been talking about emotional regulation.
Um, like, can we talk a little bit about healthy communication strategies? A couple times you’ve said, um, nonviolent communication. I of, that really struck me because, uh. I don’t really think of myself as a, as a violent person. You know, I’m small and so like, I’m short in stature, so I’ve never been like physically [00:44:00] violent, but I, I feel like my words can be kind of sharp sometimes if I’m not careful.
So what does, um, I kind of wanna know what you mean by nonviolent, uh, communication and then let’s talk about some practical strategies because I feel like a lot of high achievers, uh, a lot of people like in recovery. Are so, uh, numb to their own needs that, you know, when you first get sober, it’s hard to begin to communicate.
What, like, we don’t even realize that we have needs, but like we have needs, we have limits, we have boundaries for ourselves, like what we’re okay with, what we’re not okay with. And those boundaries can change as we grow and evolve. So that can be kind of confusing. Um, but, um, how do you think of, um, communication strategies especially, maybe we can just start with something really practical, like at home with your partner.
That’s the hardest one. [00:45:00] Let me, let me just give you the hardest one first, but I want to say that it is linked to emotional regulation in order to communicate well. Yeah. Being able to emotional emotionally regulate for sure is essential. Yes. Right. So, um, nonviolent communication, there are four principles is based on Marshall Rosenberg’s book, nonviolent Communication for and for example, you know, it making I statements.
Mm. Mm-hmm. Right? Instead of saying, you always, you make me feel, you make me feel, yes. No, don’t say that ever. So, but. The very first step, again, you know when I said emotional regulation, you need to create space. Mm-hmm. To communicate adequately, you need space as well. You need to give yourself time and permission to think.
How does [00:46:00] this make me feel? What do I want? Even before you start to open your mouth to say it, you need to give yourself time. So I want to go back on that idea. Some people are good communicators, some are not. Up to certain extent it’s true, but communication strategies. It’s to put a lot of time, effort, preparation, practice, you know, when we think in the workplace, uh, same goes for ourselves to have that ability to say, okay, so with your partner, this is really irritating for me.
He or she keeps doing this. I need to talk about it. Hmm. There are rules, right? In communications, like anything, there are tools. So for example, to ask [00:47:00] yourself what is it that you want to talk about, the topic, the subject, because couples conversations, and my husband and I have been guilty of that. They turn into festivals.
I would like, I don’t like, yes. I don’t like it. Festivals are usually fun. Yeah. They’re not, they’re not the good kind festivals. It’s like a melee. Yeah. So to have a topic. A singular topic. Got it. Because it goes into a festival and it gets diluted. Right. Right. And it’s, you don’t get the satisfaction, so to say, if I want to tell you about something that’s pissing me off, when.
Would be a good time, so to ask. Right. Okay. Yeah. So first of all, to get clear on what it is that you want to say. To say it appropriately. Of course. Then ask [00:48:00] the person, are you open? When might it be a good time for us to talk? Yeah. And then making I statements, uh, and maybe explaining where you are coming from.
This is what I’m feeling. And identifying and being clear of what is your need. Right? So my need, I would like for you to listen to me completely. Not, not interrupt me. Oh, that’s a big one. Yes. It’s frustrating. Or so ask, right? And then. Depending. So to not include other things. Yeah. But when you do that or right at two, then it’s when the festival begins.
Then you got 10 things on the table. We don’t know what we’re talking about anymore. Exactly. So [00:49:00] chaos and confusion. One topic. I think it, yeah, that makes sense. And you know, if you’re interested in starting on your journey to communicating better, you can read that book, nonviolent Communication, super Simple for Principles.
And listen to our friend Jefferson Fisher. Do you know him? Uhuh. He is a lawyer and he’s a communication specialist. Oh yeah. Ms. Carney said, and follow me, right? What’s his name? Jefferson. Jefferson Fisher. F-I-S-H-E-R. Yeah. And. He’s adorable and what I like is he looks like a Kendall. If I, he’s cute every, he’s adorable in every sense, but such good.
I remember I’ve seen some of his videos. I was like, wow. He’s really clearly talented golden nuggets and always is live. Last about one minute, very [00:50:00] simple. So on one. Tool. So for example, how to speak with someone who’s interrupting you. Right? That’s a good, so he’ll offer normally three, three strategies to use so you can practice, right?
Just as I was saying in the beginning when we’re talking about communication strategies, how to do small talk. You’re, some people are good at it, some people not so much. And there’s the anxiety component, right? That adds. So to have a few sentences with a few, and when I worked with one of my clients, he said one small talk question plus a follow up.
It’s like he said, it’s like a one two, A one two punch, one two punch. Amazing. Okay. Not nonviolent, but I get it. Yeah. But in his, his world, you know? Um, but let me, but before I forget, ’cause my [00:51:00] brain, sorry to interrupt. I totally, I wanna ask about what do you do when someone interrupts, you know, like, do you let them finish and then pause and be like, Hey, um, can we have a discussion where you’re not interrupted?
Like what’s, what’s, what do you say? Different strategies you can. Name, the name of the person. Arlene, you’re interrupting me. So to get their attention. Oh, yes. Or to say you’re interrupting me, or I can hear, I can’t hear what you’re saying when you’re talking over me. Right. So they’re different. I can’t hear what you’re saying.
Different strategies. Yeah, those, those are okay. Those are really good. Those are brilliant, but to build our toolbox. Yeah. What a gift. Again, empowerment. What a gift to give ourselves. That is important, right? To say what you’re saying to me right now doesn’t feel good. Uh, I need to [00:52:00] process and I didn’t know that I had permission to delay anything in life.
So for contracts, ri we need you next week to do a mental health presentation and uh, can you do it? And to, so now for example, I have this rule. I never give an answer the moment of, let me look at my schedule and get back to you by the end of the day, didn’t Noah, I had permission to do that. Oh, so it’s just like a system or a process or a rule that supports you everywhere.
Yeah. That’s a genius. I love the, I, I love being, I love me. A practical strategy. That’s really good. Yeah, that’s easy to apply. We’re coming up on our time. Is there anything that I haven’t asked you that you really wanted to cover in terms of practical strategies, um, for communication or emotion regulation?
Was there anything that we still need to touch on? [00:53:00] I think mindset. Okay. Mindset and belief. Huge. Yes. Giving yourself.
Permission to change. Um, you, until today, you haven’t been able to do so and so until today, you haven’t been able to stop drinking completely. It is not a life sentence. Sometimes change requires more than one go. And as a friend of mine says, if you want a different cake, you need to try a different recipe.
Right? Humans are reticent. They resist change. We resist change. We need to be open. Try again. Try new, and there are so many new modalities, right? For, for example. Somatic work. Mm-hmm. [00:54:00] To heal trauma. Now we’re learning that a lot of trauma is stored in the JA jaw, so bcal fascia release in the jaw. That’s a new modality.
So I would say give yourself permission to and vision positive change, to adopt a positive mindset. And I would say get. Wow. There are tons of practitioners of coaches who are there to help you, who have had to learn how to heal and who can share their tools with you. It’s hard to be on a journey alone for.
Weight loss for addiction for, and now we’re learning all about the other spheres, right? Of addiction. That’s not only alcohol use or substance. There are [00:55:00] 28 other addictive behaviors such as workaholism, drama. Pornography. There’s even like the worry, the negativity can be an addictive behavior live in that sphere, right?
Yeah. So to have someone who has a good toolbox, right? Sometimes what we need is a psychologist talk therapy. In some instances, talk therapy. Will not be what it is that you need. So open yourself. And that’s one of the beauties of social media. We have access to things that we never thought that we could, and you need to do your due diligence to work with a coach who has, you know, a good accreditation.
Uh, but trust yourself because we. With [00:56:00] someone who will support you in your journey. We go so much further. Is there an investment of your time, of your money? Of course. Like anything. Yeah. Yeah. You’re gonna pay for it one way or another. Yes. And some, like your course on self-esteem is super useful for anyone.
Yeah. Yeah. Starting to go on a journey and I’ve. People have helped me on my way to healing. Yeah. And we need people just like you know, the oral traditions in transmitting knowledge or language that we’ve had as human beings forever. We still need human beings to learn. We do. Yeah. Yeah, I feel like we’re more and more isolated, you know, with the technology and phones and social media.
We’re really isolated and yeah, it’s important to remember that we actually need each other. We’re we’re just animals, we’re tribal animals. [00:57:00] Um, this has been so helpful, Julie. Um, listen, I always love talking to you and spending time with you. I’m glad that we’re. Friends, and you know, that we were, we really support each other, but I, I’ve learned so much today and I’m thinking about my TMJ going on, do I have some trauma that needs to be resolved?
So I’m totally gonna look into that. Yeah. But, um, if people are interested in connecting with you, what’s the best place for them to find you? Uh, Instagram, Julie Bloom World, or email Julie. At Julie Bloom World. Got it. I believe links in the show notes if people are driving and can’t write this down. But, uh, my dear friend, thank you so much for not only spending some time with me today and my audience, but really for the work that you do in not just personal one-on-one work, but in the world, in the corporate world too.
I feel like it’s, uh, so desperately needed in, in this day and age, but, uh, it’s [00:58:00] been great and, uh, thank you so much for all your time today. Thank you so much, Arlene. Thank you for all that you do.
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