Today my guest is Jeremy Melloul, founder of Molt – a men’s clothing brand that not only raises addiction awareness, but actually contributes a portion of the proceeds to fund sober living for those in need. He is also the host of the Molt Addiction Podcast, where I had the opportunity to share some of my recovery journey.
In this episode he shares his recovery from heroin addiction, and we talk about attachment disorders, family dynamics in early recovery, his daily morning recovery practice and lots more. I hope you enjoy this episode as much as I did!
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Transcript:
Arlina Allen 6:38
Well, Jeremy, thank you so much for joining me on the podcast today.
Jeremy 6:46
Well, thank you for having me. Long time. No, see,
Arlina Allen 6:49
I guess. You just interviewed me for your podcast. Yesterday. molds, afflictions podcast. That is a very interesting name for a podcast. What’s the what’s the story behind that?
Jeremy 7:02
Well, yes, it is. And I don’t I didn’t really think about it just kind of came up. And I was like, you know, what has been a common theme in my life is afflictions, I’ve had a lot of afflictions in life, and most notably, would be my substance abuse disorder. Right. That’s the DSM. I think that’s what I learned that that’s what I learned yesterday. Yes, yes. Bye for me, you. So but yes, from alcoholism and addiction. So that that has been a very, a very difficult time in my life that was that caused a lot of affliction and mean, and also mental health, and just daily life, you know, I feel like I, we all have these afflictions that we carry with us in life. And I feel like a lot of times, we don’t talk about them, or we try to hide them. And or we’re ashamed of them, you know, for whatever reason, being judged or not being accepted. You know, we know the whole deal with that. And I find it inspiring when people talk about their afflictions, because it makes me feel like I’m not alone. And then also cry provides me some solution to hear people’s stories and what they did to get through it and how they’re dealing with and now are currently. So it’s really about sharing the story of who we are in hopes of helping others get through whatever they’re getting through because adversity introduces us to who we are, and we can’t go it alone.
Arlina Allen 8:37
Yeah, no. 100% and I like the idea of multi you know, and we did like a pre interview discussion. And we were talking about, you know, the process that you know, some organisms, animals, whatever they molt, right, like, they shed their skin. And, you know, snakes snakes mold, is that is that what snakes? Do? They mold they shed their skin? Mold, you know, traditionally? Yeah, but spiders, malt trenches. We don’t need to talk about spiders.
Jeremy 9:09
Actually. Actually have Angela right over?
Arlina Allen 9:13
No, oh, my gosh, I just found out something about my aunt. She came to visit which is that she is terrified of spiders, specifically tarantulas.
Arlina Allen 9:23
And that’s how you got one. Oh, wow. That is what do they call that? Like you expose yourself to something and become desensitized to it?
Jeremy 9:33
Yep. Let me you want to tell you a story about a real quick, please. Okay, so I live in Los Angeles, California, right near Venice. And there was this we called the Venice zoo is like Allen’s pet shop and they have all these just exotic pets and just domestic pads and whatever. And I walked in there one day just to check it out. And I saw these training rooms full of tarantulas and I saw this one trinium which is one tarantula in it and I was like Looking at him, and my girlfriend at the time, to me, this was like six years ago. My girlfriend at the time, like was with me, but and she saw me just staring at this like tarantula and I was kind of like, just like enamored by it. And later that day, like, she caught me lost in thoughts. She’s like, What are you thinking about? I was like, Oh, that spider and she’s like, Yeah, you really, like connected with that thing? Denise, I was like, yeah, she’s like, What about it, like, made you connect? You know, what about it, like, caught your attention. And, you know, I started describing the spider as like, you know, it’s like, it’s a scary looking thing. But it’s actually like, really, like fragile, and then, like, soft. And they’re actually super, like, sensitive. And they’re important, they have to have an integral part in society and ecosystem, because without spiders, like, we wouldn’t, you know, we’d be overrun by bugs and passes. Anyway, I described it in such a way where she made the connection, the awareness, I like, Wow, it sounds like you just like described yourself. I was like, you know, just like, it’s it looks like it’s misunderstood. Scary. No, it looks like it’s this big, like, this the scary thing, but actually, it’s really not. It’s just like this little thing that’s existing, that has a purpose in its life and is misunderstood, you know, and I felt like, I’ve been misunderstood my entire life. And I felt like I’ve always had a purpose. And at that time, I didn’t know what my purpose was. Right. So I was also not only craving to understand who I was at the time, like who I was as a person, right? And but I was also like, dying to know what my purpose was in life, and to feel understood. So I made that connection. I’m actually getting goosebumps talking about it. So I went back the next day, and I, I bought it, I bought the spider, and I’m a huge Spider Man fan like Marvel Comics and my 39 year old child, and, and like downright obsessed with Spider Man. And so I named my, my tarantula Parker after Peter Parker, Spider Man. So his name is Parker. Parker, I was just about to ask you what his name was. Yeah. And that actually segues in to my, the name of my clothing brand. And it’s called molt, because I remember when I bought my, my spider mites ranch about, I don’t know, two weeks later, I had a event that changed the course of my life. And it was downright earth shattering. I had a mental nervous breakdown, whatever you want to call it, I just call it that because it just doesn’t I don’t think does give justifies what I was going through like, but I just had a gnarly experience, it shattered me to the core. And I’ve never haven’t been the same ever since. But that was my kind of my multi phase in a way in one of my molting phases, but prior to that my, my tarantula had molted, like basically like the day before, like, so I just felt like there was always a synergy. It sounds like pretty true or whatever. But like, there’s a connection there. You know, and every time that he’s molted, pretty much a significant life event has happened. Not to not like it’s either good or bad, but like something has changed in my life every time that that spiders molted. So.
Arlina Allen 13:36
Pretty intense. Yeah. Yeah, you and you and Parker have a lot of similarities. We do.
Jeremy 13:43
You know, we do Yeah. But yeah, so that’s that’s the I don’t know if you asked him what’s the meaning behind the name? Oh, it was I don’t remember. My attention span sometimes. It’s a little Oh, this
Arlina Allen 13:53
will be a fun conversation then. Cuz neither.
Jeremy 13:57
Nice. But yeah, so the my clothing brand, you know, I was like, Yeah, I decided to create a clothing brand because I added a necessity I couldn’t find a shirt that fit me. And I was really irritated combined T shirts hoping that they would fit the waited. So I just decided one day to create my own work to the pattern met more than pattern maker in Venice, California. And I started sourcing fabrics downtown LA. And in that process, I didn’t have the intention of turning into business. But in that process, I fell in love it. I fell in love with the process. And I was like, You know what, I’m going to design a whole like line and I want to make a business out of this. And while figuring out what the name should be, it just kind of popped to me because I don’t with everything I try to do in my life. Like all my just everything I try to have like meaning behind it. I’m a really sentimental dude. And somewhat like dramatic and cheesy in a lot of ways. Yeah. And so I
Arlina Allen 14:52
don’t dramatic is interesting. I don’t know why that being dramatic. It’s such a bad rap.
Unknown Speaker 14:55
It’s like yeah, you know, because
Arlina Allen 14:57
it’s the opposite.
Unknown Speaker 15:00
But like You’re so dramatic, it’s like, okay, well, sorry. Sorry. It sounds like a personal problem there, buddy.
Arlina Allen 15:09
Because you can’t handle this.
Unknown Speaker 15:10
Exactly. So yeah, even. Yeah, so that that’s, that’s how and I just like malt and then from that it was like, oh, I want to tie to my recovery and I want to tie to a strong like service mission and caring with with addicts using models, all my models are recovering addicts or alcoholics need to raise addiction awareness and to help shatter that stigma because as we know, stigmas and any in any area of life are bad, but like in addiction, specifically, just because like stigma has not only not only hurt the person who the stigma is on, but also the people in the life in their in their life, because they feel like, you know, they they judge them or they don’t really quite understand. So therefore, they’re not able to really get the help that that person needs because of that stigma. I don’t know if that even came out, right? Well, I
Arlina Allen 16:06
think it did. I mean, I’m able to follow you. So there’s, and I know it’s important to have you talked about, you know, feeling misunderstood and wanting to have purpose, and those are like very big. Those are big existential questions that everybody has to answer. Right. And I like the fact that, you know, I feel like men are so much more evolved today than they used to be, you know, that. I appreciate that you’re able to be like, Yeah, I have a lot of big feelings and, you know, people and finding purpose, that’s important to me, that’s, you know, it’s also normalized men having feelings, right, y’all. Y’all are not robots, it’s important for, you know, men to to own the fact that, okay, we just, you know, and I love the fact that you have a purpose driven business, because I know you also use your company to help actually help people and give back.
Unknown Speaker 17:03
Yeah, absolutely. And I just want to touch on like what you said about like, men, and having feelings, and I think is so important. I think it’s, you know, some people might view as men who have emotions, or like, who express their emotions as a weakness. Well, I think it’s a complete opposite. Actually, it’s opposite. It to me, it shows a sign of strength. Yeah. Because if you can, if you can become aware of your emotions, right, or to your feelings, and if you can expose them to yourself, first of all, and into others and share them with others. That is you addressing your fears? Right. Yeah, what is more masculine, a more courageous, and it’s not just, you know, for, but we’re talking about men here, but yeah, courageous, and that then to face your fears, facing your fears, right. There’s nothing more stronger than that and to be vulnerable, and you have to be vulnerable in order to face your fears. So I’m very open with that.
Arlina Allen 17:59
I love that. I mean, that brings up an interesting idea that I’ve been sort of mulling over. I had a situation recently where my aunt came to be supportive through my mom’s passing. And she a common refrain from her was that she needed to be strong meaning not cry. Right, not break down, not cry, and, and I don’t judge her for the way she she’s a very strong woman, like she was an executive in Mexico City when you know, she’s in her 70s. So and back in the day when there were no women executives and machismo society, right? She was just cool. She just always cool and whatever. But her calm her. Her repetitive, repetitive refrain was, I need to be strong for you, meaning don’t cry. And I would watch her like go on walks, or she would pace a little bit to sort of like move her body to process. But I was thinking, what is that strong? Or is it because I’m like, you have the mindset that it takes more courage, or it takes courage. I don’t I shouldn’t qualify like more courage, but it does take courage to feel your feelings and process them. And yeah, you know,
Unknown Speaker 19:15
I think it’s ironic that someone would say, I need to be strong for you. And their version of being strong is withholding their their feelings in their thoughts. Because if you do that, we know that that does not have a good effect on us. Right? It’s you’re not really doing yourself a service if you withhold your emotions, you hold your thoughts and you’re not processing it right? Not so if you’re not at your best for that, you know, for that part, you know, for yourself, and how can you be at your best and you stand strong for that person?
Arlina Allen 19:51
I wonder if and the other thing I appreciated about her was and some of the friends that I had that were strong was they were able to feel their feelings and be sad, but they didn’t like get lost in it so that I was then taking care of them. In my moment, you
Unknown Speaker 20:07
know what I mean? Well, yes, there there’s, there’s like a line, right? It’s like, yeah, open a process. But you also have to have some emotional sobriety, right? You have to Yeah, no, like, you know, to beat to have your emotions come up, acknowledge them, express them, but like, don’t let him take over your life. You know, there’s, there’s that balance. And that’s where like tools and solution and all that stuff, come come in.
Arlina Allen 20:33
Yeah, that’s all super good. I should probably take a step back. So I know that you have an anniversary, a sobriety anniversary coming up, what is your, what is your anniversary?
Unknown Speaker 20:43
It my sobriety date is November 21 2007. So in about nine days or something like that, I will be celebrating 14 years. God is amazing. One day at a time. That’s your podcast. Yeah.
Arlina Allen 21:03
Like, that is amazing. Congratulations for that. And do you want to watch this? How old were you he started drinking and using.
Unknown Speaker 21:11
My first drink was at age 11. I was at my brother’s Bar Mitzvah. And I remember seeing you know how you like at functions, events, and you always see like those like half drink drinks that are in his plastic cups with that wet napkin wrapped around. It saw one with like orange liquid in it, and that was a screwdriver. And I knew was a screwdriver. I didn’t think it was orange juice. I knew it was an adult beverage. Yeah. So I just like, I just grabbed it. Like, I felt like the need to grab it and just chugged it. And I just remember being show like theater and just like, oh, and then like, hit me. And we went over this yesterday. And then, you know, I felt this warm, tingling feeling inside of me. And when that feeling came over me, that is when I realized that I wasn’t okay. Yeah, it wasn’t I didn’t feel okay. Like because prior to that I really didn’t have I had no reference. Right? It all contracts. No, you know, exactly no contrast. I was how I was from the moment I was born up to that exact moment, until it wasn’t. And then I realized I had to compare it to compare the two. I was like, Wow, I did not feel okay. Before I was like, anxious. I was in my head. I had anxiety. You know, I just felt like uneasy. Hmm. And when I had this drink of alcohol, it took that away. I was kind of Ooh, this is what’s up. Okay, this is the key, you know, but I was 11 years old, you know, you’re not very rational at alleged at 11. You can’t really like you’re not that logical and you don’t really, it’s hard to process so like, the obsession wasn’t, didn’t take hold immediately. Almost, you know, I did think about it, but I’m still a kid. So it was kind of like, but it wasn’t until like maybe like two years later till I just I just went after it. I found weed. And yeah, I started smoking that and pretty sad. I had to wake up in the morning to go to school after I couldn’t fall asleep while listening to mash.
Arlina Allen 23:27
Or talk. Oh, you couldn’t sleep listening to horror stories as well? Yeah, sure. I was assuming.
Unknown Speaker 23:32
Yeah. Yeah. But like, I’d wake up, you know, early in the morning, I take the bus to school, but the first thing I would do is I would go into my bathroom. And I’d open the bathroom window. And I like made like a makeshift, like, bowl, I guess or whatever the paraffin device is smoke weed out it was out of like a coke can and I scraped the pain often I take my mom’s Cornhuskers to poke the holes, right. And then I put the weed in it, you know, like scraping the paint off was like, you know, my biggest concern. I did not know how to do that. Yeah, well, I don’t think it really does anything. You know, here I am, like smoking drugs. Yeah, you know, but hey, you know, whatever, at the time, you know, yeah, I didn’t know. But anyway, you know, leaning out the window and just getting high just so I can get my like, 13 year old ass on a bus to go to school.
Arlina Allen 24:23
What happened? What happened to you that you felt the need to do that so young.
Unknown Speaker 24:29
I never felt comfortable with who I was and never felt. I never felt at home and myself. And I was extremely sensitive. And I had a really hard time processing my emotions, my thoughts, you know, feelings, and I had a very hard time expressing them. And I felt I felt trapped inside myself. And I felt like an exposed nerve at all times. You know, I just felt like I couldn’t function like cannot cannot handle life and it’s interesting.
Arlina Allen 24:58
That’s an interest or interrupt you but that’s it the exposed nerve, that’s a term that I use to describe early recovery. Because, you know, I was so medicated in the beginning that you know, we take all that stuff away then you because I was overly you know, overly sensitive, just being feelings and in the, you know, drugs and alcohol medicated my feelings and then when those were gone, I felt like a raw nerve ending. Yes, expose and just like feeling everything for this first time. It was really scary.
Unknown Speaker 25:29
Yeah, I mean, you’re feeling everything for the second time, actually. Oh, because we felt like that the first time, which is why we medicated which is why most drugs, it’s just a rewind. It’s just a recall to where we were before we started using so
Arlina Allen 25:43
very good. Yes. Did you have trauma in your childhood?
Unknown Speaker 25:49
Mm hmm. Yeah, I did. Um, you know, trauma is one of those things where people think that like, oh, it can only be like sexual abuse or like, witnessed an explosion or like, Murder. Murder. Yeah, like, traumas. Not that trauma. I don’t know. It’s not only that. It’s not it’s not just the XR. It’s not only that, of course, that’s dramatic. Yeah. Well, you know, trauma is and it’s a case by case everybody’s different. Everybody perceives certain things differently. You know, my older brother is a lot more stoic and a lot more, like, less emotional than I am. So whatever affected me might not have affected him at all. You know, we’re just built differently. But yeah, I have had some like emotional trauma, some physical trauma, growing up as well.
Arlina Allen 26:39
physical trauma, like parental discipline, or
Unknown Speaker 26:44
Yeah, parental discipline. I grew up in a very old school. Household.
Arlina Allen 26:49
Okay, so are the spoil the child?
Unknown Speaker 26:52
Yeah, you know, it’s very, you know, it’s, it’s just old school. And that was a cultural thing, you know, and, for me, that was kind of like, I guess that was normal. And, you know, I might add that my parents love me very much. And they did everything out of love. Because they thought that’s, you know, they’re just, it is how they were raised. That’s how we’re they’re raised. They’re just, you know, what, generational trauma or whatever it is, you know, it’s like, so but they, you know, it’s funny, you actually, real quick, it’s not, I’m not like gonna take a conversational left turn here. But last night, I was actually able to confront my parents about that. And did last night. Last night, I was on my, I call them on my drive home from from downtown. And they asked me about my podcast, and they said, when it’s going to launch, and I was like, it’s gonna launch this Tuesday. And they were like, Oh, it’s great. I can’t wait to listen. I’m like, I was like, Here you go. I was like, listen, I just want you to know, I love you all very much. But there’s some things I talk about that you might not want to hear. And you’re like, like, what? And I basically told him that like, you know, I, what I experienced in my life, and my childhood, has caused the has, has affected me, and has caused some things that I struggle with today. And it’s caused a lot of pain and suffering for me to like, what we didn’t know Emily, I’m like, they’re like, give me an example of like, let’s not go there. You know, but then I did tell him, I was like, Okay, fine. I can give you one example. As a kid, when you’re a kid, you don’t really know you’re not rational, right? You look at your parents as pretty much God so your provider, their source for everything. And when they are mad at you, or when they discipline you and stuff like that, like we don’t really have the the capability of understanding that it doesn’t really, you know, it’s what they’re trying to do is to help us right so that we internalize everything. So how many contacts we don’t have any contacts, I’m bad, I’m bad. I’m bad. That’s what I think, you know, and my, my parents would give me if I like, messed up or did something bad or whatever, and they were mad at me. They would give me the silent treatment. And you know, and they wouldn’t talk to me which squawker on hospital only not that mom, dad, you know, they just want to talk and I would feel like oh shit, like, here, I know. Right? Right. And then now I’m like, I want to like be forgiven because like, they’re my world. So and they’re not acknowledging me so like not only like dartie feel like shit but it just reinforces that and it’s and then I’m left to my own thoughts and feelings about how that feel. And that’s not like you have watched it happen several multiple times, all the time whenever I
Arlina Allen 29:36
got dramatic person, pervasive trauma.
Unknown Speaker 29:41
So that creates these these this idea this belief belief, belief system exactly. And then you know also what neuroplasticity right your thought grew you know, your your brain your thought goes certain patterns in it just so anytime anything like that happens if it and that trends into romance for me today. Oh, yeah, you know if I am getting ghosted or if someone is not getting back to me, and I like I’m an anxious preoccupied that is my attachment style I don’t know anything about know about attachment theories but I’m an anxious preoccupied anxious preoccupied Yeah, so there’s three attachment theories styles, I don’t think your theories but you know, whatever their styles and it’s secure which I’m definitely not that’s 50% of the bobby eared, make 50% of the population is made up of secure attachment styles. And he said 50%
Arlina Allen 30:38
that I haven’t talked to everybody. Well, yeah, but
Unknown Speaker 30:41
that’s based off of the books and research that I’ve done. Yeah, yeah, I mean, yeah, it seems like a very, like, seems pretty high. Yeah, it does seem pretty high. But the other 50% are composed of the avoidant, which is the third attachment style. And the preoccupied anxious, preoccupied, which is my attachment style. So
Arlina Allen 31:02
okay. That when you can go sit, you’re like, This is the girl for me.
Unknown Speaker 31:08
It really depends. It’s like, if it’s early in the game, like, I don’t have an attachment really. So okay. I don’t care. You know, I care less. You’re just like, what if there is someone that if an attachment or connection or bond has been formed? Mm hmm. Yeah. Then like, I get all anxious. I get in my head. And it’s almost it’s like, it’s just like, it’s a obsession. And I can’t stop thinking about it because of what happened to me, you know, one of those incidences that happened to me when I was a childhood of being like, ignored. Yeah. You know, that that abandonment issue? Yeah. I was talking to this lady who said that there are three, three major childhood wounds. One is I’m alone.
Arlina Allen 31:53
I don’t matter, I have a written down. I don’t matter and that I’m unlovable because I’m either too much or not good enough. Right. And when we get those, you know, I think you and I both have the sort of too much thing are, you know, I kind of vacillated between not good enough and too much. But, you know, the shunning feels like death from a parent, right? Because they are your source of everything when you’re a little right. And that develops the next you know, we have a negativity bias, which is we are predisposed to thinking those negative things about it must mean that I’m bad, right? And then develops those beliefs. And then we have confirmation bias where we just look for information that supports our, our beliefs about who we are. Right? And so there’s a really interesting, I’m just came came across the Hoffman process, the Hoffman Institute for like the normies. I got this on my son because he’s a Normie. But it’s just so interesting, because it does address like everything that you were just talking about the childhood how even if you have, you know, the best, most well adjusted parents, it’s like, Nobody escapes childhood without some issues.
Unknown Speaker 33:07
That’s exactly what I said to my parents last night. Hey, did you know what makes it out of here on skate? Like, you can’t be perfect? It’s no,
Arlina Allen 33:17
no, no, and it’s not because it’s not about them really, at the end of the day, it’s about and I like the the neuroscience of round all this because it sort of depersonalized as us as you personalizes the process, it means that we’re not we don’t have character defects, we’re just like, This is how the human brain works. It’s not a survival. You know, sort of depersonalize takes the shame out of it. But were they able to hear you at all. And,
Unknown Speaker 33:43
yes, it was so fascinating, because my dad has often been somebody who was never able to hear me, at least I perceived that right, and me and my dad, we’re kind of always at odds, and we always butt heads. And I always felt like my mom was kind of my safer area of the she’s like the nurturing parent. Ish. Yes. You know, there were moments, there are moments and I shared good moments of good memories that I had, that my parents I didn’t meet with them last night as well. So shout it out. Yeah, I didn’t want to share like merino wool because like, you know, my parents take things personally, you know, and they be
Arlina Allen 34:26
where you get the sensitivity from?
Unknown Speaker 34:29
Yes, I think my dad is very sensitive. You know, and I don’t know if he’ll admit that but I recognize me and my father a lot. And I often think that I got my alcoholism from a dad side of the family although my dad thinks I got it from my mom’s side of the family. Well, that’s good. Anyway, anyway, um, yeah, so I you know, my dad received very well actually And I think, you know, I had some moments in my life where I really had to, like, sever the sever the cord in a lot of ways I had to individually and individually. And my family is very tight knit in a way like it’s very like family first and everyone else is the enemy kind of shit. You know, I mean, blood is thicker than water, you know, like yada, yada and liner always stick together. That’s a cultural thing, right. And my brothers still live in, in the same town they grew up in, for the most part, they all live within, like, you know, five miles of each other, and they’re very much all in each other’s lives. And I left I left, I’m from the East Coast, I’m from Washington, DC area, and I left, you know, nine years ago. And when I when I got here, that is really, you know, my first step to individuating was when I got sober. And I kind of was starting to do my own my own thing. And I knew that this was going to be the way for me, like I had to go to a and share a quick story. I’m going a lot of places right now. But no, go I’m following Yeah, it’s all gonna tie together. And it might not I don’t know, sometimes I lose my train of thought. And but anyway, I remember I got out of rehab. I went to Hazel and by the way, which is in Minnesota, and that, to me was a life changing a life changing experience. For me, it was 28 days. In fact, so much so that I drink coffee out of my Hazelden coffee mug every morning. Ah, that was oh, yeah, 14 a used to have my name tag right here. But after watching it for so many years, it ripped off. Yeah, you know? Yeah, I’m very sentimental. And you know, it’s like, I start my day with coffee. And it’s like, I got to start my day with recovery and all that. It’s just kind of like, has all this meaning for me. But, so I went there, and I got home, and I was like, I need to go do a 9090. And my parents would, my parents were like, well, we’re not gonna, like, you know, let you take a car, you know, because they didn’t trust me. And I was like, You were 2627 26? Yeah. 26 years. Yeah. And I was like, okay, so I was living with my parents. And I was like, take me like, yeah, absolutely. So my whole family went with me to the meeting, which is lovely, you know, to support right, you know, but they took me there. They didn’t go into the meeting with Word, you know, the as I guess, the church members at St. Assaf church on, I don’t know, off Wisconsin Avenue in DC. And I went in meeting and that came out an hour later, my parents were waiting on the steps of the church all waiting for me home. My parents, my two brothers. Brothers. Yeah. And you know, and I, they were very supportive of me, they didn’t understand it. So
Arlina Allen 37:51
your brothers, your brothers didn’t indulge or partake or
Unknown Speaker 37:55
not, I mean, they got like, drunk or high, but like, not like normal. They’re normal. They’re, they don’t you know, they’re not like me, as a younger older. I’m the middle child. So Oh, shocking. Yeah. So anyway, I remember my dad, you know, where are, you know, you? I don’t know, if anyone, anyone listening been a meetings, you know, or NA meetings? Right? And you see, after the meetings, you see the interesting crowd of people, right? You know, if you want it to judge, it shares how that’s, you know, that’s where you could judge just by the looks of people, okay. And so I Fellowship just for a little bit, talk to a couple guys. And then I saw my parents, I was very uncomfortable. So I went over to walk with them. And I was like, Alright, let’s go. And as I was walking, leaving the meeting, we’re walking up up the hill to go to the car. My dad said to me, Jeremy, you don’t need these losers. Stick with me. And I’ll show you how.
Arlina Allen 38:54
Your dad, my dad. Okay. Got it.
Unknown Speaker 38:57
And that was the first moment where I really stood up for myself. And I really set myself aside from my family because my reply was that I am one of those losers, right? I owned my shit, I owned my shit out who I was. And I knew I was an alcoholic and an addict. And I just knew it. And from that moment on, there’s always been kind of this me separating myself. So I guess the whole point I’m trying to say with this is like, there’s been other events moving away and me like doing my own thing. My father is very, like, you know, he’s got very traditional a lot of things and those traditions don’t really align with me. So I stopped doing them and he you know, why can you do that? I’m like, I don’t want to, you know,
Arlina Allen 39:38
penetrated like religious traditions. Yes, religion.
Unknown Speaker 39:40
I I am a spiritual, spiritual man. And I am a religious man. I do read the Bible every morning. But at the time, I wasn’t. So my my father was very like you have to you know, do Passover and all that stuff. I was like, I don’t want it doesn’t mean anything to me.
Arlina Allen 40:00
Your father is Jewish and you’re Christian. Yes. Okay.
Unknown Speaker 40:04
Yes. Okay, so I know I that’s a that’s a like, I don’t know if that’s like a weird thing for people to hear or anything but like,
Arlina Allen 40:14
you can’t be unique. I mean, you’re not the only one for sure. No, I’m
Unknown Speaker 40:18
a Jew for Jesus. Yeah, you know, Jesus. I do, you know, I went to church, and I just really resonated with me. And I always left there feeling feeling great, you know, and feeling. Feeling empowered. So that just kind of was more my more my speed. But, um, anyway, so I the whole process of individuating. So now my father, my relationship, my parents are very different from where it was. So now they understand that like, Jay, they call me J, that A J. Is, is who he is. And nothing is going to change that. And we might as well not even try. It accepted me for who I am. So they were able to receive what I told them last night with, Okay, we have to be open here, we can’t respond the way that we normally have respond. Plus, they’ve matured, they have great. We all understand we all evolve. So my mom, I could hear her voice that she felt a little she was a little hurt. But my dad, I was a little shocked at that would have been the other way around. But
Arlina Allen 41:21
well, it’ll be interesting to see how this plays out. Over time I’ve I found that when people take bad news, well, that they’re processing people, typically, their first response is not their long term response. And then this is not a rule. But just like in general, someone’s first response is not their long term response. And I’m sure you’ve had this experience where you deliver some bad news and people blow up and they get really pissed and you have a fight and you have it out. And then you both walk away. And you think about it, and you come back and you’re you have you’ve processed some things. And so you can kind of come back and come together. And I’ve had I’m sure you’ve also had this experience where you deliver bad news and people are like, okay, and they go away, and then they start fuming and festering, and then they and it comes out sideways. Maybe your relationships with women? I don’t know. Yeah. But do you know what I’m saying? So, so it’ll be interesting to hear how I’ll have to check on you in a week or two to see how things like if your dad has processed this, if he truly is a piece. That’s awesome. It sounds like your parents have a lot of acceptance around you. Yeah, but I’ve just, you know, I always kind of keep that in the back of my mind when somebody takes bad news. Well, kind of makes me a little nervous.
Unknown Speaker 42:42
We’ll see what the effect you know, they could be nine on that right now. You know, I’ll still I’ll speak with him later, because it’s Friday today, and I call them on Shabbat.
Arlina Allen 42:50
cello. Yeah. Okay. So are they still back East? Yeah, they’re still back East. Okay.
Unknown Speaker 42:56
Yeah, sure, I’ll call them and I’ll gauge I can always tell by the tone of their voice. I’m super empathic. Like, yeah, I can feel the energy in any room I walk into. And that’s also like a good thing and a bad thing. I can read people very easily a survival skill. Yeah, that’s, you know, kind of what I had to like a lot of like, up and down in my household, like, my dad and good mood is bad, right? A lot of like, you know, parents grew up like trying to, they started a business. Both my parents weren’t raised in the business, you know, what kind of business were they in? My dad was actually a hairstylist and he started a salon in Washington, DC. So my dad is Tunisian by way of or is it the other way around to museum by way of he’s Parisian by way of Tunisia. So he migrated from Tunisia, and went to France. And because it was a French colony, Tunisia, and that’s where like in France, you know, he does fashion and Hair Set, you want them in the fashion industry, he got into hair, and they carry a PC and start a salon and all that yada yada, but so my. So my parents would be working all time stressed. They have two, two kids, you know, well, they just had me my brother for a while. And then five years later after me, a little brother came, but you know, there wasn’t a lot of calm in my house. And you know, my mom would come home expected to do all like, make dinner, because I had to make dinner every night. Just your work in the salon too. Yeah, absolutely. She go early in the morning and come home at like 637 a night or whatever, cooked dinner, get lunches, ready for school, you know, all that stuff. And she’s so focused on getting the task done, because she’s such a long day, and she’s exhausted, that like sometimes paying attention or kids was kind of like, she would have a short fuse. So she’s, you know, yeah, she’s tired. And I understand that as an adult, I can kind of see that I’m a rational being but as a kid, you don’t. So you think that you’re not worth the time you’re unlovable, all that stuff. So I mean, it’s like, you know, there’s just so many incidences that happen but yeah, I don’t even know where I was going. I just lost my train of thought
Arlina Allen 45:01
I was asking you about your I was asking you about your dad. So he’s Parisian via Tunisian. Does that mean you speak French?
Unknown Speaker 45:09
Not really. No.
Arlina Allen 45:10
Now, your last name, but how do you pronounce your last name? It’s French.
Unknown Speaker 45:15
Mailloux Mindwell.
Arlina Allen 45:17
Yeah, that’s very cool. Thank you. Okay, my
Unknown Speaker 45:20
cool mobile in high school.
Arlina Allen 45:23
Of course, what else? What nationality is your mom?
Unknown Speaker 45:29
She was she was born and raised in San Francisco. But her she was okay. Her lineages is Polish.
Arlina Allen 45:35
Okay. Um, okay, so very cool. So either your parents drank at all. I mean,
Unknown Speaker 45:42
my mom, like randomly, like, you know, my dad never does really ever. That was not in our household. It wasn’t
Arlina Allen 45:49
modeled for you not okay. What, you know what I want to know what happened to make you want to go to rehab. What were the events leading up to rehab?
Unknown Speaker 46:02
I was on the verge of being homeless. And I was just I was smoking crack and shooting heroin daily. You were ah, ah, yeah. And I was 100 and like 35 pounds. And I my life How tall are you? I’m like 510 and a half. Okay, so 115 Yeah, I’m at right now. So just give me an idea and I’m at like a healthy weight. Fun fact, I went into rehab in Hazleton is a 28 day program. When in 135 pounds. I came out 20 days later. 195 pounds. Just give you an idea.
Arlina Allen 46:45
So you just sat around and ate most of them?
Unknown Speaker 46:48
Are you putting this shit? I walked in with jeans. I left Hazelden at the sweat. I couldn’t fit in anything. I all my clothes.
Arlina Allen 46:57
Your poor body. It was just like,
Unknown Speaker 47:00
yeah, it was emaciated. And oh, God,
Arlina Allen 47:02
that must have been so hard for your parents to see.
Unknown Speaker 47:05
Yeah, but when I got home, they were so happy. You know? Yeah.
Arlina Allen 47:07
Like we have che back. Yay.
Unknown Speaker 47:11
Yeah. And yeah, so that’s that’s really was I just hit my bottom. And I remember I tried to talk to pretty much kill myself
Arlina Allen 47:21
and you wanted to be sober.
Unknown Speaker 47:25
I didn’t know what else to do. Right. I didn’t know what else I didn’t know how to stop. I didn’t think that was a possibility. I just, I just did not. I could not do anything. I was all I could do was smoke crack, shoot dope, and eat Twizzlers. And bring Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. That was me. That was all that was my existence. Oh my god. And um, so my I had lived with my parents and my parents had kicked me out. And I was like, gonna have a home. So I took a full bottle. I don’t remember kind of sleeping pills a were but I mean, I just like, took it all. You’re like I’m done. And then I woke up in hospital and woke up in a hospital alone. And the tubes in me and all this shit. And I just remember that moment. I was like, it was such an ethereal moment. There was like a distance. Distant chatter like a nerve station down the hallway and lights were off was on air was cold as hell and hospitals but but it felt like I don’t know. It just felt like this cool blanket over me. And it was very like, I’m like, somewhat of a poet. So at least I like view life. Poetry and. And I just had that moment. And I just remember I was like, I’m done. Like, I can’t do this shit anymore. Like I almost died. And I need help. That’s what I admitted.
Arlina Allen 48:56
And your parents put you in Hazleton?
Unknown Speaker 48:59
Yeah, my mom taught tooth and nail. I went to the detox program at the hospital. And they’re like, You need to like you need to go to rehab. We recommend that and I was like, done. Let’s go scared. shitless was like, let’s do it. So they’re like, oh, Hazelden is a great one to recommend them a mom’s like, Okay, we’ll take insurance to the gap. But insurance never wants to pay for anything. So my mom had to fight tooth and nail and surance ended up covering all of it. Thank God. Yeah. So I went to England, and I think that is a rehab done, right. We had cots. We shared rooms with other men, you know, it was no frills. It was very much like you’re not here to get pampered. You’re here to work on your like yourself. And I had chores. You know, we woke up early. We had to go to places on time. We, you know, we had to work statute to do meetings. We had to take care of ourselves. We had to learn how to function. We had to learn how to take care of ourselves, not have other people take care of us, because we just didn’t know how to do that for ourselves. Right? I don’t know how it is today, I’m sure it’s still same similar program, which is why they’re so successful and what they do but yeah,
Arlina Allen 50:07
that’s very cool. I’m so glad that you’re only had to do it one time you’re ready for it and
Unknown Speaker 50:11
I was one of them and did some outpatient bullshit, you know, I got in trouble law and I get to go this and go that and like, you know, I’d find a way like I remember threw myself down the stairs and broke my wrist in order to like be able to get pain pills in order to get a prescription during outpatient rehab in order to be able to say I can pee dirty. So opiates would show up in my system. Right? This is why like, okay, so I wouldn’t get you know, his court ordered by getting a DWI. You know, I was super crafty and getting high was my only my only concern and my only priority. So I would do whatever it takes. I mean, I did some dumb crazy shit. You know, I put myself you know, at Tom skinny, white Jewish kid from the suburbs going down to Baltimore. Like the freaking like the V like you ever see the show the wire? Yeah, ah, yeah, that’s where I’d go, like really gnarly shit, and some dangerous people. And I’d be down there just like almost every day copping in like, No, I met with some really bad people. And I was surrounding myself with some really bad people, some dangerous people got myself in some pretty fucked up situations. And
Arlina Allen 51:24
do you want to share some of your system?
Unknown Speaker 51:27
Sure, yeah. I’m not really an open book. You know? I do remember you like asking me though, if I was, if I was religious, and if I was a Christian and stuff like that, and part of me was like, Oh, my God, like, I gotta answer this right now. And the reason why I had that thing is because I feel like there’s such a stigma against religion. Yes, days, you know, and I often don’t talk about my religion in public, and I’m okay doing about I’m talking because I, because I know people I know myself, right. If I know myself, I know people, because we’re all very similar. And a lot of us can judge somebody. And if we judge somebody, they might in turn not pay attention to what we’re saying. And I, you know, like, oh, that person’s like, believes in God. Well, he has nothing to say, I got nothing to hear from this guy. Well, it’s like, I try to minimize that judgment, because I try to listen to what something you know, what everyone says, whether I agree with him or not, I might get something out of it. You know, so I always try to and that’s me trying to like troll, obviously, I’m a control freak. But like, I know that Oh, good. Whatever.
Arlina Allen 52:36
Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. You know, that’s amazing. I’m so happy for you that you’re able to like go through rehab and find your way over these 14 years. Sounds like you’ve been through a lot. What did you do professionally before you started your clothing line? Really a jack of all trades kind of guy.
Unknown Speaker 52:59
I am actually I’m like, the people call me a renaissance man. Like I just have these random like jobs and these odd jobs. And I do things here and I always found the way to survive make money. But I always coasted you know, I always got by, you know, with, like, charm and just be I just accepted that. That’s the only thing I knew how to do. I’m not an educated man. On You know, I went to school, but I didn’t learn shit in school. Like I really didn’t like I didn’t pay attention. I didn’t apply myself. You know, I, I basically did whatever I need to do in order to get by. Yeah.
Arlina Allen 53:39
Comment. Yeah,
Unknown Speaker 53:41
so I got into you know, and, you know, that’s a regret of mine. Because I, I wish I paid attention in school. But you know, now I have to work really hard in order to like start my business because I feel like there are definitely some things lacking that maybe would be a lot easier had I paid attention and apply myself.
Arlina Allen 53:59
I don’t know you’re an entrepreneur and I have been living the entrepreneurial lifestyle for a while. It is not easy, and it does require a lot of hard work. So you’re in good company, that’s for sure. Yeah. Let me ask you. I’d like to do something called the lightning round. And I typically do it at the beginning of the podcast, but we were having so much fun.
Unknown Speaker 54:18
Yeah, we got into it. You and I can talk for day. I
Arlina Allen 54:21
know. I know. So much fun to talk to. Um, so if you’re up for it, we’ll play a quick little game. I don’t even know why I call it a lightning round because it ends up being like the turtle round. It’s very slow. Let’s do the Turtle Rescue the turtle round. Um, do you have a favorite recovery book? They call it Quizlet. Now all the cool kids call it Quizlet quit literature.
Unknown Speaker 54:46
Recovery book. I mean, yeah.
Arlina Allen 54:49
Okay, do you do you? Do you like to read a lot?
Unknown Speaker 54:51
Um, I do like to read it’s hard for me to read because in my brain, yeah, you got it. I do. It’s very, like I read and then I’ll read a page and I’m like, Whoa, what’s the planet? Yes, read, you know, it’s hit or miss. It really depends. Um, so yes, I like the idea of reading and I do like to read, um, you know, I love, like learning things. But yeah,
Arlina Allen 55:20
try try audible.com B, I love. I don’t actually read very many books anymore. I listen to audio books. That is my jam.
Unknown Speaker 55:32
I’ve tried that as well. And sometimes I’m like,
Arlina Allen 55:37
Well, you know, it’s interesting, a lot like podcasts, audio books, you know, I will be listening. And they’ll present an idea that I need to mull it over. And so as I’m thinking about it, you know, they’re still talking, and I’m missing what they’re saying. Because I’m thinking about an idea. So that I don’t mean Yeah, I don’t get upset about it or anything. I just sometimes I listen to things multiple times. But I’m like you I like to learn to. Yep. The book was definitely my early recovery book. Do you have a go to mantra or quote that you live by?
Unknown Speaker 56:15
Yeah. I’m a youngin. So yep. I actually have a tattooed on my hand. And a the quote is no treat and go to heaven unless its roots reached down to hell. Seven, and that I, I have it as my favorite quote a because it’s true. Yeah. Right. The only way we can get enlightened through the path to enlightenment is through suffering. Now at least that’s been my experience and a lot of people’s experience and apparently, Carl Jung’s experience. And it also is a reminder to you when I am suffering and I’m going through a hard time that this is for my higher good, right and this on the other end of this is the light. So
Arlina Allen 56:59
okay, say it one more time, no tree can grow the tree can
Unknown Speaker 57:02
grow to heaven unless its roots reached down to hell.
Arlina Allen 57:06
Unless it’s roots reach. I gotta write that down. Because that’s going in the show notes.
Unknown Speaker 57:13
Yeah. Love it.
Arlina Allen 57:16
Okay. Do you have a regular self care or recovery routine? Like do you have like, like regular meetings that you attend? Pray meditate. We read the Bible in the morning. Yeah,
Unknown Speaker 57:28
I you know, pandemic really kind of shook up my meeting schedule. I was Yeah, I was doing five meetings a week prior to the pandemic and then that kind of thing. And I just zoom was just very sterile for me and didn’t really quite do it. So I got a little crispy during that time, hold dry. But I yeah, I wake up early in the morning, we could be like five and I make my bed immediately. First thing I do. And then I take a cold shower. Second thing I do.
Arlina Allen 58:00
I have a friend who wrote a book about taking cold showers. Yeah,
Unknown Speaker 58:04
it’s I mean, they’re by them. It’s amazing. I anybody listening take a cold shower. I know it’s a little harder for women because your hair you don’t want to get it wet. You know you guys don’t wash it every day or whatever. But you may be just like, pull your hair back or something but for so you just
Arlina Allen 58:18
use submerge like you shower.
Unknown Speaker 58:21
Yeah, while I go in I just turn it on cold and it just goes right on me and I just like I’m not like using soap and shampoo and like singing songs in there. No. No, I’m not like lathering up and just having you know, taking my time. No, it’s usually like a 10 to 15 second shower. You know, I really just get in there and I sometimes try to just block out the cold and that’s like me trying to meditate really just focused on like, you know, it not being there. That’ll bring you right into the present moment. Yeah, exactly. So which is great. And and then uh, yeah, I get out then I I pray and I do a gratitude list that I have that I have with my sponsees and I read the just for the daily meditations and and then I you know, have coffee and then I read the Bible and read Old and New Testament. And then I will do some writing. Like journaling. Yeah, journaling, I’ll just write you know, doesn’t even have to be that sometimes if I have a lot to say it’ll be for there’s no period of time I live in myself too. But if I’m really got much going on I just sometimes I’ll write like a few sentences and that’s it. And that is my morning routine.
Arlina Allen 59:37
That’s the morning routine that the Good morning routine notice I didn’t really have meditated in there. I didn’t notice well meditation for me to meditate. He said the cold shower would you
Unknown Speaker 59:49
try to do it you know and when I do pray I like try to you know pause and just exist in that moment you know after and just try to relax myself and comment Brain down. But whenever I do meditate I end up always having anxiety after so it does a complete opposite of what it’s supposed to do for me. Yeah.
Arlina Allen 1:00:08
Do you know I tried. I’ve been doing the Wim Hof breathing exercise first and then a 10. Well, 11 minutes 31 Second, approximately. Tara Brock meditation.
Unknown Speaker 1:00:22
I’ve a very unique relationship with breath. I was a musician, and I was a singer. Oh, you were Yeah. Not really, I lost my voice years back, and I just never able to get it back. Hence, I had this issue with breathing. Diaphragmatic breathing. You know, I almost drove myself crazy trying to. I had it and then I lost it. And I couldn’t find it. And I tried to obsess about breath and all that stuff. And people listening are probably like, dude, this dude’s fucking nuts.
Arlina Allen 1:00:52
We all have our thing.
Unknown Speaker 1:00:53
I’m a little, you know. But yeah, so whenever I focus on breath, it’s like traumatic for me. Okay, focusing on breast mapping. But there’s other forms of meditation out of breath, you know, so yeah,
Arlina Allen 1:01:06
I guess. Yeah, there’s like The Walking meditations. Yeah. All kinds of stuff. For
Unknown Speaker 1:01:10
me. It’s storing into like, art or create, you know, activity or like design or whatever. You know, I’m 100% present in that moment. It’s also helping people to when I’m being service is like, Oh, wow. Like, I’m not even inside my head right now. This is
Arlina Allen 1:01:26
that’s a beautiful thing. I love that. Yeah. Being creative is very like meditative.
Unknown Speaker 1:01:33
Yeah, that’s really locked in completely off to eat like a Yeah, anything. Drink water. I’m just so zoned in and I love it.
Arlina Allen 1:01:40
Yeah. Love that. Yeah. Um, what’s the one thing you wish you knew when you first got sober?
Unknown Speaker 1:01:48
That it was gonna be hard.
Arlina Allen 1:01:51
Even No, surprise?
Unknown Speaker 1:01:53
No, I guess when I first got sober. Yeah, one thing I wish I would have known was being sober is very different than being in recovery.
Arlina Allen 1:02:05
Ah, very good distinction.
Unknown Speaker 1:02:09
So I did like a program, first year of my sobriety. And after that, I thought I was good. And I was dry for like, nine years. He i Yeah, and all these things kept cropping up all those things, and I no process, no process, I suffered a lot. I didn’t get high or drunk, which is the important part. But there’s another element to that whole thing. You had a couple that with actually recovery, you know, whatever that might be for people, you know, for me a is the way for some other people I know whatever helps you stay sober. But I just know that me not using drugs and alcohol was not enough. I needed more. I
Arlina Allen 1:02:50
needed more.
Unknown Speaker 1:02:51
I needed more. I needed a solution. I needed something to live my life by I need a design for living, perhaps Yes. Designed to go within and need to figure out was what was causing all this
Arlina Allen 1:03:03
everything. So that’s Yeah, and I love I love the fellowship, too. It’s sort of like a ready made, you know, program where you can be of service, right? Because service is, in my mind the fastest way to build self esteem, you know, you get connected, right? They say that alcoholism is a disease of isolation, connection secure. And there’s all kinds of people there who need help, who and who are also willing to help. Right? Yeah, so it’s amazing. Yeah, it’s, uh, but the meetings are not the program, right? And so like you’re saying, doing this, like getting a sponsor doing the steps and all that stuff, taking action
Unknown Speaker 1:03:39
and live less steps, right, you know, and living them like is working to your ability, great, it will change you but you know, like, it’s not like your job’s done after that. Live the steps you got to live through it’s like kind of
Arlina Allen 1:03:53
like eating you know, you just don’t eat dinner once and you’re like I’ve done exactly or go to the gym once. Yeah, I’m good. I’m good to get your bro on. Yeah, that’s really good. So what do you do for fun? I know what you do for fun
Unknown Speaker 1:04:13
you don’t know that’s a great question. Honestly. Because I’ve been struggling with that lately. I have you know and self care something that like I’ve been trying to do more of and listening to myself. Listen to my body more and not shaming myself for not you know after taking a break or something like that. I have to stay busy if I don’t like I just feel like my mental health just doesn’t do well. What do I like to do for fun? I love going to the movies. I do love movies are fun. Yeah, yeah. On I like going to dinner with friends. Such I haven’t done that much. Thought you know lately and since
Arlina Allen 1:04:54
Can you guys are you guys all opened up now? Can you go out and do all the things
Unknown Speaker 1:04:58
uh, yeah. Yeah, ish. Sure, give me so I got to wear masks everywhere and you have to vaccine and all that stuff. So it’s a little, it’s a little restricted.
Arlina Allen 1:05:08
I recently visited California and I was like, damn, because I’m in Idaho and two shits out here.
Unknown Speaker 1:05:15
Yeah. And you guys are fine, though, too. Right. So
Arlina Allen 1:05:18
we have like, worst Mercer freight. So,
Unknown Speaker 1:05:22
what right now?
Arlina Allen 1:05:24
Yeah, yeah. You’ll have to. I haven’t looked at it recently. But like when my aunt came here from Mexico City, they do not play in Mexico City. It’s a big city of 20 million people said, you know, but she, like did a little research before she came here. And I was like, Yeah, people don’t really she’s like, Yeah, that’s why you have one of the worst rates of you know, whatever they call that.
Unknown Speaker 1:05:46
It’s interesting, because I don’t get it because Florida has better rates than California and Florida and do anything California did. So I don’t know. Anyway, right now. Yeah. So it’s, it is a mess. And I’m, you know, quite honestly tired of talking about it. Because like, I know, those are all I know, is that like, I’m good.
Arlina Allen 1:06:08
To go, I can do it. I’m doing all the things good.
Unknown Speaker 1:06:10
Like, you know, tired of tired of trying to live my life. And that’s it. So, yeah,
Arlina Allen 1:06:16
I hear you. Well, it sounds like you really enjoy being creative. And I know your work gives a lot of outlet for that. But it’s so interesting that I remember one time, especially when my kids are little my my buddy came over and he was like you guys doing for fun? My husband and I looked at each other. We’re like, what is this fun thing you speak of? Like? What are you talking about? So it is funny how we forget to play these. We were people who were like, committed to having a good time. Really, it was avoiding the pain. But do you know what I mean? It’s like people thought we were just trying to have a good time. Oh, and now we’re just like, Yeah, I don’t need to do that.
Unknown Speaker 1:06:56
Yeah, I mean, cuz we want to be the complete opposite. Right? You know, yeah. A lot. A lot of behaviors that we associated. Yeah, sir. We use a lot of behaviors from the past we associated with bad. I mean, so it’s hard to separate. You know, it’s like, oh, I’m having fun sometimes is like, not good, because that means I’m like slipping into doing something bad subconsciously. I think I don’t think that you know, okay, well, you
Arlina Allen 1:07:19
have a homework assignment at Boston fun. Okay.
Unknown Speaker 1:07:22
I like to shoot guns. Guns are good. Yeah, guns are fun. Do you have a local people don’t like guns. And you know, I’m an Idaho.
Arlina Allen 1:07:30
We love guns. In California. We
Unknown Speaker 1:07:33
don’t know they don’t.
Arlina Allen 1:07:36
Well, I grew up in California. But my dad he was a dad. My dad was a Marine. Carcieri. NRA member, I’m
Unknown Speaker 1:07:42
sure when you grew up in California is a lot different than it is today.
Arlina Allen 1:07:46
I just left two years ago. I’m 50. Almost 53. But anyway, yeah, I’m very aware that some people don’t like them. But that’s a whole nother thing.
Unknown Speaker 1:07:56
Yeah. Well, I’m not like, I’m not trying to talk about it. Because you know, whatever doesn’t, you know,
Arlina Allen 1:08:05
that is not we’re not here for that. Yeah, not carry. Listen, Jeremy, I thank you so much for spending time with me this morning. You’re such a pleasure to talk to you. I love the work that you’re doing. You have an amazing brand. And I know that you’re helping lots of people with your purpose driven work, which is really important.
Unknown Speaker 1:08:23
So thank you so much for having me. I thought this was so much fun. And you’re awesome. And I’m sorry if I talked a lot and just derail the
Arlina Allen 1:08:33
bullet things on a podcast. How dare you? Like I like
Unknown Speaker 1:08:37
to talk sometimes. You know what I mean? And like, I can’t go off so
Arlina Allen 1:08:41
well. We’ll have we’ll definitely have to do around to
Unknown Speaker 1:08:43
how like when people pay attention to me. Yeah.
Arlina Allen 1:08:47
validation, Johnny, attention junkie. Well, listen, you have a fabulous day. Thank you so much for your time. We’ll talk real soon.
Unknown Speaker 1:08:57
All right, you too. Take care
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
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