I hear so many stories of people who are turned off by 12 step meetings because there is a constant echo of “you are powerless over people, places and things”. If that were really true, then why do we pray for others? If we are truly powerless, then what’s the point?
In 12 step programs that address everything from alcohol and drugs, to debt, gambling, codependency, pornography, sex, sex & love, and on and on, there is a focus on being powerless – over those specific issues. Not EVERYTHING in life! That’s ridiculous…
I see so many people who have achieved major goals, who are smart and influential, shy away from programs that constantly focus on behavioral shortcomings and “character defects”.
It’s a shame based approach, which is counter productive. Do we need to know where we make mistakes? Absolutely, but then correct them, and move onto focusing on what’s working. On assets.
What we focus on expands, so let’s focus more on what we DO want.
Old ideas and language that lack context and new information, leads to a lot of misconceptions. This is an attempt to share how the ideas of powerlessness and true power makes sense to me.
To clarify, the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous talk about powerlessness over alcohol. It’s my opinion, in an attempt to help people suffering from alcoholism (or as we call it now, Alcohol Use Disorder), there was a focus on breaking the denial of the effects alcohol has on some people.
For some people, it’s a valid observation that once some people start drinking, they have no control over themselves or what happens next. They have lost the ability to drink alcohol like a “normal” person and abstinence from alcohol becomes a necessary way of life.
In this scenario, powerlessness over alcohol is valid.
What has always bothered me is the idea that we are powerless over other people, places and things. Of course we cannot truly control other people like you would a machine, but I have met plenty of women who were totally controlled by an abusive partner. Or adult children who ran themselves ragged trying to make a critical parent happy. I’m sure you could add to the list.
Haven’t we also seen influencers in social media? What about preachers or teachers or politicians or other public figures who have mass influence over our society?
Even on a smaller scale, the influence and effect we have on our friends and families, for better or worse?
The truth is we DO have power and influence on those around us.
In my mind the question becomes, how do we use this power? How do we use this power for good? Not in a codependent way, but in a way that serves others that also nourishes ourselves.
I’m currently studying what quantum physics has to say about the theory of entanglement and it’s blowing my mind.
Now don’t worry, I’m not going to bore you, I’m going to give you the bottom line because that’s what I’m always looking for so I can make sense of it for others and apply it to my own life.
You know how all the woo woo people and hippies use to talk about “we are all one”? Well that idea actually has a lot of science backing it up, which I think is really cool, since I don’t always have perfect faith.
This can be explained with the quantum theory of “Spooky Action At A Distance” as Albert Einstein called it. (Not even kidding, you can look it up). This theory is more commonly referred to now as the quantum theory of entanglement.
The basic premise is that two particles that are separated, still have an effect on each other, even if they’re clear across the planet. There’s even a super cool documentary on the experiment proving it called “Einstein’s Quantum Riddle”. You can check it out here:
Weird, right? Well not really. We are all actually aware of it, but might not have recognized it.
Here’s an example of how you might have seen it work in your life:
Someone you have been thinking about just calls you “out of the blue” or shows up in some way. The idea is that once you are connected to someone, there is separation, but you can think of them and they are affected to some degree. Sometimes so much so that you get a call or run into them or reconnect on social media. Happens all the time.
We also call these events coincidences, or synchronicity. We all have experienced them, we just didn’t know how to explain it before, but now we do.
We are really all connected. It goes way deeper, but for the sake of this article, I’ll encourage you to look up interviews with Dr Joe Dispenza, Abraham Hicks or just search YouTube for law of attraction. It’ll blow your mind!
So of course I take everything I learn and apply it to recovery concepts. I’m always thinking about the work I do and the overarching ideas about how to get sober, stay sober and go deeper.
Thinking about how we are more powerful than we realize is definitely about going deeper. Because after we get sober, then what?
Well in my mind we can start using the information to better our lives and the lives of those around us. We can use the laws of the universe that were designed to support us in healthy ways, instead of how we were taught to use them, in negative ways that have kept us stuck in limiting or destructive patterns.
Some might even refer to these laws as the law of attraction or universal laws, karma, or even God’s laws. It doesn’t really matter what they are called. What’s important is to understand how they work so that we can better understand how we can take responsibility for our lives, create the changes we want to see and actually start manifesting and experiencing moments of joy, peace and happiness.
This isn’t selfish, it’s how life is meant to be lived.
We all deserve to understand how our thoughts, beliefs and actions are creating the life we are already living so that we can make the changes we want to benefit ourselves and everyone around us.
So what now?
I propose we can all start to make immediate changes simply by practicing mindfulness, paying attention to what brings peace and joy, and do more of that.
There are legions of teachers who talk about laws of attraction, manifesting, mindfulness, gratitude, journaling, meditation, and forgiveness. It’s all at our fingertips. We are so lucky to live in a magical age of technology, information and spiritual practices.
It might sound religious to say “seek and ye shall find”, but it’s true. I know it to my core.
Stop asking “what’s wrong with me?” and start asking “what’s right with me?”.
The answers may surprise you.
As it turns out, when you remove all the fears and doubts about yourself, all that’s left is love. And love is the most powerful force on earth.
That’s why you are more powerful than you know.
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