How to Listen:
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Today I’m going to be talking about the H.O.W. of recovery, the three guiding principles that will help you get sober. A friend of mine actually interviewed me for an article that was published on Huffington Post with the same title, and I want to share it here. Those of us in the 12 step community are very familiar with this, but if you haven’t taken that leap yet, this is really important information to have. So H.O.W. stands for honest, open minded and willing
It all starts with the honesty piece. Seeing things as they really are, not just how we want them to be. And so when I first got sober, I really had to get honest about what was actually happening.
Funny thing is that we may not even realize it, but we want to be judged by our intentions. We mean to do well, but that’s not how it works. People actually judge us by our actions, right?
I had to get really honest with others about my own behavior, to get honest with myself. I was feeling like I was a victim, that I was at the effect of life instead of the cause. And so really, starting with that honesty, that was really my starting point.
Until we acknowledge that there is a problem, we can’t solve it. Sounds completely obvious, right? But when it comes to addictions, we go into denial because that’s our coping skill. It’s like our best friend. For me, it was the one thing that I felt like was saving me from having to feel all the emotional pain.
But in the end, the thing that was saving me, turned out to be the thing that was killing me. My savior turned into my executioner. I hate to be dramatic, but that’s how it was for me.
I was doing crazy things back then. I was binge drinking and drunk driving and putting myself and others into dangerous situations. I wasn’t physically addicted with DT’s in the morning but I was a heavy binge drinker, so I would suffer from alcohol poisoning the next day.
I’ve seen a lot of terrible consequences from others too. Over the 27 years, I’ve been sober, I’ve seen people die from drunk driving accidents and alcohol poisoning. Unfortunately, I had a friend from high school who died from alcohol poisoning. Her husband and children found her on the couch. It was horrible.
It’s the denial about how bad things are that keeps us sick. In recovery circles you will hear that you’re only as sick as your secrets. It’s the secrets and the lies that keep us sick.
So start with honesty. We just have to get really honest about the condition of our lives and how alcohol is affecting us, and how our behavior while drinking and doing drugs is affecting others.
The second principle is open mindedness. There is an idea that I heard in the very beginning of my recovery about dismissing information before I test it and it’s referred to as “Contempt prior to investigation”.
A lot of times people will be dismissive about information before they actually have an opportunity to apply it and test it out, so it’s important just stay open minded.
If you think about it logically, we all have a set of assumptions or information, then we make decisions based on that information and take actions. That’s when we invoke the law of cause and effect. So if you don’t like the effect, then you have to go back and find the faulty or missing information.
“God, help me set aside everything I think I know for an open mind and a new experience”
Once you open up to the idea that there’s another way to look at things or maybe there’s missing information, it’s amazing how new information starts to present itself. You hear what you need to hear, you see things differently
When the student is ready, the teacher appears. – Lao Tzu.
But anyway, having an open mind means that you become teachable. Really, it’s not personal, it’s just cause and effect. So with the honesty about what’s going on, and the open mindedness to new information, you will have new ways to approach challenging situations.
That moves us then to the last principal: willingness. In Alcoholics Anonymous, they say, doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different result is the actual definition of insanity. So until we are willing to take action and actually do something different,
nothing changes. So By being willing and maybe even desperately willing, that can be the catalyst that you need to take suggestions from these people. It’s like the model of the Master and the apprentice. The Apprentice learns from the master. Or you can say its like role modeling, right? You seek out the people who have what you want, and then do what they do.
Here again it invokes the law of cause and effect. It works for everyone.
So those are the three guiding principles: honest, open minded and willing.
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If you need any help, you can reach out to me at http://www.soberlifeschool.com
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So reach out. You are not alone. I’m here to help.
xoxo,
Arlina
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