{"id":1161,"date":"2018-10-18T21:38:31","date_gmt":"2018-10-19T04:38:31","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/odaatchat.com\/?p=1161"},"modified":"2018-10-20T11:54:17","modified_gmt":"2018-10-20T18:54:17","slug":"holding-safe-space","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/odaatchat.com\/index.php\/2018\/10\/18\/holding-safe-space\/","title":{"rendered":"OC61 &#8211; Holding Safe Space &#8211; Letting go of Guilt and Shame to Find Forgiveness, and Relief"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>OC61 &#8211; Holding Safe Space &#8211; Letting go of Guilt and Shame to Find Forgiveness, and Relief<\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" style=\"border: none;\" src=\"\/\/html5-player.libsyn.com\/embed\/episode\/id\/7240085\/height\/90\/theme\/custom\/autoplay\/no\/autonext\/no\/thumbnail\/yes\/preload\/no\/no_addthis\/no\/direction\/backward\/render-playlist\/no\/custom-color\/87A93A\/\" width=\"100%\" height=\"90\" scrolling=\"no\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Hi Friend!<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Welcome to another episode of The ODAAT Chat Podcast, my name is Arlina and I\u2019ll be your host.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">After taking a break for a couple of weeks, I decided to kick off the next series with a solo episode to talk about Holding Safe Space &#8211; and the process of letting go of secrets so that you can live free of guilt and shame.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I\u2019m going to walk you through how all this came up for me, what the process of letting go looks like for me, and how you can do it too. There will be a free downloadable worksheet available on my website at <a href=\"http:\/\/www.SoberLifeSchool.com\">SoberLifeSchool.com<\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Went to a meeting where the topic was the 4th step ( and for those of you who don\u2019t know, it\u2019s a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves). <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Naturally, people also talked about step 5 which is sharing the inventory &#8211; acts of confession, but also finding self forgiveness through the loving perspective of a guild who understands what it\u2019s like to wrestle with alcoholism and addiction. There\u2019s just something about sharing with a peer who\u2019s been through it that feels safe.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Let me share the process with you that I\u2019m borrowing right out of the book, Alcoholics Anonymous. You can take notes or download the worksheet from <a href=\"http:\/\/www.SoberLifeSchool.com\">SoberLifeSchool.com<\/a>, but here it is:<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">There are four columns, and in the first column, make a list of all the people you are resentful at<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The second column, List the specific cause of the resentment.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The third, is what was the effect? How did the event effect you? ie. Your self esteem, ego, financial, security, personal or financial. Also, what is the underlying fear? <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Finally the fourth column, what was my part in this? This is probably the hardest part, and often where we need help because when we\u2019re hurt, we are focused on OUR pain. It\u2019s hard to see that others who hurt us are often doing so IN RESPONSE to our behavior. This is where courage is required. The thing to keep in mind here is that we actually WANT to know where we went wrong, so that we don\u2019t actually CAUSE other people to hurt us. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This is often where people get tripped up and I don\u2019t want you to worry about that right now. Don\u2019t let that be the reason not to walk through this exercise, because what most people don\u2019t see right away is that this is exactly where the freedom comes from. It\u2019s in the last place you\u2019d expect to find it. I know that was the case for me! <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I\u2019ll even give you my own personal example. I have a million of them, but I\u2019ll just give you one for now:<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I\u2019ll call it \u201cJust the tip\u201d. But it\u2019s not what you think. \ud83d\ude09<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Resentful at:\u00a0<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Bob, my then fiancee\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Cause: He gave a huge tip that I thought we couldn\u2019t afford<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Effected: Self esteem, PR, financial and emotion security, (fear of I wasn\u2019t going to get what I wanted).<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">My part: Self righteous anger, lack of communication, Self centered pride (i know what\u2019s best), made everyone uncomfortable over a small amount of money. Control issues<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Having someone walk me through the process helped me not only to see my part, but not to then go so low that I beat myself up over it, causing even more self harm. I was then able to go to the one I love and make amends &#8211; not just apologize, but to acknowledge that I see how my behavior effected him, and figure out a way to avoid situations like this in the future.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Better yet, I learned to forgive myself, and realized I the best I could with the info I had. I was able to see how I was driven by fear and that through love and empathy, I learned to improve my self esteem and love myself.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So anyway, after this meeting I went to recently, I started to wonder why some people can\u2019t let go of their shame. Or even, what people not in program do to let go of guilt and shame?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Don\u2019t want to share with someone with any connection to their circle of friends or family?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Fear of being judged?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Too much shame?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Don\u2019t have a safe person?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This is where I can help. What I want you to know is that if you are holding onto a secret that you want freedom from, I am able to hold safe space for you.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This is how it will work.\u00a0<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You can go to SoberLifeSchool.com, look for the course called \u201cHolding Safe Space\u201d and register to book time with me via a Zoom online meeting. Once you place your order, you will receive a link to my calendar and you can choose a time that works for you.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Just so you know, I only have a very limited amount of time to do this, and I need to save them for people who are truly ready to be free. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Also, because the number of spots available is very limited, registration will only be open for the next 7 days. If the spots fill up quickly, then I will provide a waitlist and you will be notified as space becomes available.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you are ready to drop the rock and experience freedom from guilt and shame, then sign up now to lock in your spot. Once you do, you will receive a link to schedule your appointment.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I know this is a scary proposition but I want to encourage you to share the secret and find empathy and forgiveness. Weather it\u2019s me, or you have a friend you trust, a therapist, or a religious person you feel safe with, I want you to take a leap of faith and let it all go. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What helped me to finally let it all go was thinking about what it would cost me if I didn\u2019t let it go. It would cost me my self esteem, it would cost me my hopes and dreams because I knew I would never allow myself to really receive the love I desperately needed to heal as long as I held onto my guilt and condemnation. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So today could be your day. Reach out to me or someone else and take that next step. Do it scared, because that means you have courage. It also means you are ready to heal and therefore help others to heal as well.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I\u2019m here if you need me, and thanks for spending time with me today.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>With gratitude,<\/p>\n<p>Arlina<\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" style=\"border: none;\" src=\"\/\/html5-player.libsyn.com\/embed\/episode\/id\/7240085\/height\/90\/theme\/custom\/autoplay\/no\/autonext\/no\/thumbnail\/yes\/preload\/no\/no_addthis\/no\/direction\/backward\/render-playlist\/no\/custom-color\/87A93A\/\" width=\"100%\" height=\"90\" scrolling=\"no\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Or on iTunes:<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"itms:\/\/itunes.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/the-odaat-chat-podcast\/id1212504521\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-365 size-medium\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/salespolish.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/10\/subscribe-on-iTunes-300x101.jpeg?resize=300%2C101\" alt=\"subscribe-on-itunes\" width=\"300\" height=\"101\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p><strong>Or on Google Play:<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/bit.ly\/2GrEZcd\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-777\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/odaatchat.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/Screen-Shot-2018-03-14-at-8.48.07-AM.png?resize=298%2C79&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"\" width=\"298\" height=\"79\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>This podcast is sponsored by Audible. First book is free!<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/amzn.to\/2FC0o4C\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-743 size-medium\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/odaatchat.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/Screen-Shot-2018-03-09-at-4.05.34-PM.png?resize=300%2C139&#038;ssl=1\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" srcset=\"https:\/\/odaatchat.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/Screen-Shot-2018-03-09-at-4.05.34-PM-300x139.png 300w, https:\/\/odaatchat.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/Screen-Shot-2018-03-09-at-4.05.34-PM.png 314w\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"139\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>OC61 &#8211; Holding Safe Space &#8211; Letting go of Guilt and Shame to Find Forgiveness, and Relief &nbsp; Hi Friend! Welcome to another episode<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1162,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[61,62,38],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1161","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-forgiveness","category-letting-go","category-love"],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t<!-- All in One SEO 5.0.4 - aioseo.com -->\n\t<meta name=\"description\" content=\"OC61 - Holding Safe Space - Letting go of Guilt and Shame to Find Forgiveness, and Relief Hi Friend! 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